Riding on the wings of a dove
by Linneagb
Summary: My name is Leah Carmichael, my brother's name means dove. My life is like riding on the back of a dove, because without Jonah, I'll be falling. A/N: English is not my first language.
1. Prologue

**This is a stand- alone sequel to my finished story "secrets revealed" YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ SECRETS REVEALED TO READ THIS. Anyways…. Enjoy.**

"But Jonah." I moaned.

"Don´t do that." Jonah answered me. "I´m not joining New Directions, you know why so stop nagging me about it."

"But you won´t have to join. Please Jonah just come and help me out with my audition, pretty, pretty please… pretty... pretty…" I gave Jonah my cutest puppy- face, knowing that he could never tell me no when I did that. Jonah sighed and bit his lip.

"Your song?" Jonah asked.

"Oh thanks Jonah, you´re the best." I hugged my brother.

"But I´m still not joining New Directions."

"Okay, okay." I complained. "But I should be behind the stage in the audiotourium in two minutes so we better get a move on." I turned the wheelchair around and wheeled towards the audiotourium. I hated this stupid chair, but I guess I had come away quite easily thinking about I was hit by a car. I had already gained a bit of strength and feeling in my legs, and it was getting better, thought it would yet be a while before I could walk on my own again.

Jonah walked next to me, I looked up to him and smiled, he smiled back. We didn´t have no time to rehearse the song, but it wasn´t needed, we had been singing this song together since we were little. I pulled up in the curtains behind the stage to watch the ones that were auditioning before us, none of them were up yet, and I recognized the girl- that had a special name I could never remember what, and a dark- skinned boy with a big afro I didn´t know at all, except for them I and Jonah were there. I sighed nervously as we heard Mr. Schuester´s voice from in front of the stage.

"Can… Mo…. Mo- ah…." The blonde girl walked out on the stage.

"It´s Moa Dallvin. **(Moo- ah Dah- ll- Vee- n.)** I´m a freshman and I´ll be auditioning with…" the title of the song I didn´t catch as it was in some foreign language. Moa came back after singing the song beautifully- even though I couldn´t understand the lyrics.

"I should have auditioned with an English song. I screwed up my chance to be in New Directions." Moa sat down and put her head in her hands.

"No you didn´t. You did great." Jonah told her and I nodded agreeing. Next thing that happened Mr. Schuester´s voice was heard again.

"Sean Moraiety?"

"Wish me luck." Sean- the boy with the afro walked out on stage.

"My name´s Sean Moraiety…"

"Can you tell me how it should be pronounced?" Mr. Schuester´s voice was hear.

"More- ay- ety." Sean said. "I´m a freshman, and I´ll be auditioning with lighters, by Eminem feat. Bruno Mars." The music started and Sean lifted the microphone to his mouth. His singing voice was all right- not bad, not really good, all right. But it was when he started rapping all of our chins dropped.

"Dang he´s good." I whispered to Jonah, Jonah just nodded. Right before Sean had finished the song, Moa whispered something to us.

"I gotta go, I´ll have to catch a bus. Lycka till."

"What?" I asked her.

"It means good luck in Swedish."

"See you." Jonah looked longingly at the spot where Moa had disappeared around the corner for a few seconds.

"Jonah." I whispered to him. "What´s the matter? You in love?"

"Ehrm… no… no... No!" I couldn´t help but start to giggle hysterical, just as Sean came walking off the stage.

"Break a leg," he told us, and then he sat down to look at our performance, as I wheeled out on the stage with Jonah right behind me.

"Hi." I turned to Mr. Schuester. "My name´s Leah Carmichael, I´m a sophomore, and I´ll be auditioning for New Directions."

"Hey, my name´s Jonah Carmichael, I´m a senior, and I´m just helping my sister. Is there any chair or something I could have to sit on?" Jonah turned towards the band. One of them came running with a stool that Jonah sat down on.

"We´re doing our version of your song by Elton John, covered by Ellie Goulding." We said at the exact same time, Mr. Schuester smiled.

"Give it a shot."

_(Jonah)It's a little bit funny  
This feeling inside  
I'm not one of those who can easily hide  
(Leah)I don't have much money  
But boy if I did  
I'd buy a big house where  
We both could live_

_(Leah)So excuse me forgetting  
But these things I do  
See I've forgotten if  
They're green or they're blue  
(Jonah)Anyway the thing is  
What I really mean  
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

_(Both)And you can tell everybody  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple but  
Now that it's done  
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind  
That I put down in words  
(Leah)How wonderful life is now you're in the world_

_(Jonah)If I was a sculptor  
But then again no  
(Leah)Or girl who makes potions in a traveling show  
(Jonah)I know it's not much but  
It's the best I can do  
(Both)My gift is my song and  
This one's for you_

_(Both)Oh [x8]_

_(Both)And you can tell everybody  
This is your song  
It may be quite simple but  
Now that it's done  
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind  
That I put down in words  
How wonderful life is now you're in the world_

"That was really good guys." Mr. Schuester said. "John are you sure you don´t want to join New Directions?"

"Oh, it´s Jonah. You know from the bible, the one with the whale."

"Oh, Jonah. Are you sure you don´t want to be in New Directions?"

"Yep, a hundred percent sure."

"Well… if you change your mind…. The list of New Directions will be up in the beginning of next week." I thanked, Jonah gave the stool back to the band, and then I wheeled out to the hallway with Jonah walking slowly after me. Our parents were waiting in the parking lot.

"Hey tiger." Dad greeted me as usual, and lifted me up to get me in the back- seat of the car. Mum and dad got into the front- seat and drove towards the rehab, well in there, dad lifted me up on the bunk and started stretching and bending my legs, I turned my head and looked to the place where you could hold on to two rails and walk.

"Dad?" I began, he knew what I wanted, I had asked every time for weeks.

"No tiger, not today."

"Bu…"

"No buts Leah," mum interrupted.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Mum said in a strict voice. "Maybe next time."

"That´s what you two said the last time…"

"Don´t."

"…And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that…"

"If you keep on acting like this we´ll go home right now."

"What is the reason of being here at all? If we´re gonna keep on doing this of all time, then nothing will get better anyway. " Dad helped me to sit up and gave me my jacket. Then he lifted me up to put me in the wheelchair again.

When we got home I wheeled into my room and threw the door closed after me- just because I knew it would make my parents angry. I wanted to make them feel like they made me feel like when they wouldn´t let me get past the state where I just laid on a bunk with dad bending and stretching my legs. I rolled over to the bed . I could stand up enough so that when I let go off the wheelchair I fell down on the bed, and crawl my way in the right position and that is what I did.

I had been collecting dogs since I was little. I had loads of porcelain- statues, glass- figures and stuffed dogs, from the smallest, a glass- figure that was so tiny I could have fit ten, fifteen of those in my hands without dropping one- two Buddy- a big stuffed dog that laid in the space on the floor between my bed and the wardrobe. I also had pencil cases, pencils, erasers, covers for the bed and loads of other things with prints of dogs- actually- the only thing missing in my collection was a real- life dog. Every year on my birthday and for Christmas, I wished to have one- but I never got one- and I knew I never would.

When I laid on the bed I picked up a stuffed- dog. This one I had named Millie, "she" was light brown, and really soft. Usually, when I had problems I´d pick her up and tell her what was being hard, and this is what I did now.

"They won´t let me try it." I began. "I mean… how am I supposed to be getting better if I´m going to just lay there on a bunk with dad bending and stretching my legs for me?" There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I sighed and Jonah opened the door.

"Don´t tell me you´re still talking to that stuffed dog." He said with a smile.

"So what if I do?" I joked.

"I know you do." Jonah sighed and sat down in my chair.

"I know she´s not real, that she can´t hear me. But just talking feels good. Where´s mum and dad by the way?"

"They went out to shop for groceries… I know you´re mad about that they won´t let you try new things at the rehab, I am too… but you can´t blame them for caring."

"I know…. I just want to try."

"I know Leah…. I know."

The next day I was wheeling down the corridor in the afternoon when I heard someone talking inside the choir room- and I couldn´t help to wheel a little closer.

"So, Moa have got a part in New Directions, what about that afro- boy…" A black- haired boy I didn´t know who he was said.

"His name´s Sean." A golden- blonde girl said.

"Well… Sean´s definitely a good rapper." Anna said, she I actually knew who she was- as we had several classes together.

"Good? GOOD?" Ben said. "Good isn´t enough, he has got so much talent it´s just…." Several others nodded agreeing.

"So, Sean´s in?" A red- haired girl said and almost everyone nodded.

"Sean and Moa´s in then." Mr. Schue wrote something on his paper. "What about those siblings… Leah and Jonah Carmichael?"

"Come on Mr. S." A blonde girl said. "We can´t have a cripple in the glee- club."

"Yeah and what´s up with that boy?" A dark- haired boy said. "He´s much better than his sister, why can´t he just be a part of New Directions?" I lowered my head, looked into the floor and then decided to not just leave them be. I grabbed the wheels and wheeled into the room.

"A cripple?" I spat. "Is that everything I am to you? Really." I wheeled further into the room, and braked in front of the people in there.

"Well it´s my legs I´ve got problems with, not my voice. And about Jonah, he´s got his reasons not to join New Directions. And now… I understand him. I thought you were different…. I´m quitting new directions" I turned the wheelchair, and wheeled a couple of meters. I was on my way out when a blonde girl spoke up.

"You can´t quit anything you were never a part of." I turned around, and pulled my backpack of the back of the chair. I pulled out a bottle of Cola of my backpack, and put the backpack beside me, then I opened the bottle and turned it upside down over the girl´s head and completely soaked her.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" She shouted.

"Well…" I answered. "I thought I was going to wash of that ugly dirt of your face. Turned out it was your personality showing." I turned around and wheeled out of the room.

**Mr. Schue POV **

"I hope you´re happy now." I gazed over my glee- club. "I hope you´re happy, because we just lost a good singer, and not least, someone who loved singing."

"Mr. Schue, it doesn´t matter," Teeghan told me, Alice handing her a towel. "We can´t have a cripple in the glee cl…"

"Shut up." Tyler interrupted. "Teeghan, don´t you get what the New Directions are about. It´s not about who´s the best singer, or who can dance or not. It´s about that we´re a family, and in a family… you make it work… one way or another."

"Tyler´s right." I jumped down from the piano. "And I´ve had members of New Directions in wheelchairs before, actually one of the original members were. It took some of the other members a while to get used to that, but we made it work… We made it work because he was our friend. And yes, Aiden, I know Jonah was better than his sister. But Leah is also good…"

"I never said she wasn´t."

"…and with a bit of training. There´s no doubt that she could help us get through to Nationals…. But thanks to you, we just lost not just one, but two possible members for New Directions, so I really am disappointed in you guys." I gazed over the group again. "Thursday, I want you all to have a number by lunch, you´re singing for Leah and everyone else there in the lunch- hall…"

"Bu…" Teeghan began moaning. I held up a hand and gave her a meaning look. ¨

"You made this yourself… now… Glee- club dismissed for today." I looked down to the floor and jumped up on the piano while hearing the students go out of the room, and I couldn´t describe in words how disappointed I was now.

"Mr. Schue?" I heard a voice, when I thought everyone had left the room. I stroke my face and looked up to see Lex standing there with a backpack in her hand.

"Leah forgot her bag here…"

"Can you take it to her?"

"… Mr. Schue, do you remember when I forgot my bag?" I nodded and remembered the scene I´d met when I brought Lex her backpack. Lex jumped up on the piano next to me.

"I keep on thinking maybe it was meant to be… and maybe it´s meant to be this time as well. Maybe Leah was meant to forget her bag today, and maybe it´s meant that you go home to her and leave it… I think you should do so and talk to Leah… Maybe it´s meant to be this time too." Lex reached me the backpack. I smiled to her and nodded.

"Yeah… maybe you´re right. Do you know where she lives?" Lex nodded.

"Sun rose road, number thirty two." I thought and tried to locate it, then I realized I would have to pass the Hudmel House on the way there.

"So… did you tell me this because you wanted me to bring Leah her bag, or because you wanted a ride home?" I joked, I knew the answer was what Lex had told me earlier.

"A-a bit of both." Lex joked back. I chuckled.

"Get your things, I´ll go find my car- keys." I threw Leah´s backpack over one shoulder and walked towards the car.

When I came over to the Carmichael´s, a man I hadn´t met before opened.

"Hello sir." I greeted politely. "Is this where Leah Carmichael lives?" The man nodded and took a step back so I could step over the threshold.

"She´s not home from school yet, but she´ll be home any minute. So…. Would you like to wait for her?"

"Yes, yes. Will by the way." I reached out my hand, Mr. Carmichael took it. "William Schuester."

"Abram Carmichael, I´m Leah´s father. Would you like some coffee?"

"No thanks, I just came here to talk to your daughter and return her bag… she forgot it in my class." I sat down on a kitchen chair, and just as I sat down I heard the door open and close and the sound of teenager´s voices filled the house.

"You should give them another chance."

"Look who´s talk… ing." Leah made a pause when she came into the kitchen and saw me. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to talk to you, and you forgot your bag in the choir room." I reached her the backpack.

"What if I don´t want to talk to you then?"

"Leah." Her father said strictly.

"Well fine then… c´mon." Leah turned around and wheeled out in a hallway, I followed. We came into a room, it was small, almost like a closet, and it had dogs, of all kinds, sizes and breeds everywhere. Leah turned around and nodded towards the door behind me.

"Can you close the door?" I turned around and pulled the door closed, when I turned around again Leah sat with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at me.

"So, you like dogs I can see." I said mostly to break the ice between us.

"What do you want Mr. Schuester?"

"I came to talk to you. May I sit down?"

"Sure." I pulled out the desk- chair and sat down on it.

"Leah, I´m very sorry you had to hear the students, and that´s why I came to talk to you. Whatever the students say about it, it´s up to me. And I would be very happy if you… and your brother would like to be parts of the New Directions."

**So, that´s it. First chapter of Riding on the wings of a dove. **

**As said in the chapter the song is your song by Elton John, (though I prefer Ellie Goulding´s version) **


	2. Catching up

**Mr. Schue POV **

"Are you sure about that then?" I asked Leah after she´d made it clear for me that she wouldn´t want to be a part of the New Directions.

"For the hundredth time yes… And about Jonah, no I´m not going to tell you, because you're both Jonah's and my history- teacher this year, there's a chance Jonah will tell you. There's also a big risk that you will see it yourself. But I'm not going to be the one to tell you." I smiled, and patted Leah's shoulder, sure I was curious, though, in a whole other way, Leah had made it sound like something dangerous.

"So." I stood up and reached my hand forward, Leah took it, I slightly squeezed her hand and walked after her through the hall and back through the one- story- house. Leah stopped in the kitchen, where Mr. Carmichael was cooking, and Jonah sat by the table with homework, I walked over to Jonah- and smiled when I saw he was working on the history- essay I had given his class about world war one earlier today.

"Looking good Jonah…"

"Mhm." Jonah half- whimpered half- groaned, he had clenched his fist around the fabric on his shirt over his chest, was pale, sweating and obviously in pain.

"Hey Jonah. You're all right?" I asked, Mr. Carmichael looked up from the stove, came over to us and laid a hand on the table, and the other one on his son's back.

"You're okay son?"

"No." Jonah moaned, I looked to Leah, she looked a bit worried, but not half as worried as I felt right now. What was going on with Jonah? Was he dying right in front of my eyes? Mr. Carmichael who had stood up fully, and got a red and white spray- bottle from a shelf in the kitchen. When he came back to the table. He sprayed something under Jonah´s tongue. Jonah's breathing calmed down almost straight away. Leah wheeled over to him, they talked to each other- but so quiet I couldn't hear what they were saying, just when I heard the front- door to the house open and close and a female voice was heard.

"Hello?" I couldn´t help to recognize the voice- but- it couldn't be- she moved across the country to be with… oh my lord!

"William Schuester?" She said questioning and looked to me.

"Edith McAllen?" I felt my chin dropped, as she placed her handbag on the table. She took two fast steps over the floor and then embraced me. I hugged her back.

"It's been ages" I said when we let go. "I haven't seen you since…" I silent.

"I know, do you… do you want to stay for dinner?" I could see Leah glare at her mother at the suggestion. I shrugged.

"Nah… I don't think so… I was actually just leaving." I said.

"Come on, at least have some coffee with me- we have a lot to catch up with don't we."

"Well, can't see why not."

"Come on, let's go sit in the living room." Edith poured us each cup and we walked out of the room, I wanted to ask about what happened to Jonah earlier, but wasn't sure about if I should so I just kept quiet until we had sat down.

"I haven't seem you since you left the state after we graduated."

"I know… I lived there for a couple of years, I got pregnant with Jonah at twenty one, then… after he was born… we moved back to be close to my family. Geez, Jonah and Leah both said that they had Mr. Schue in history this year, it didn't cross my mind that it would be you."

"Edith…" I began.

"Edna… you know how much I hated that name… I still do." I chuckled. Edna had always hated her name… or at least as long as I'd known her, from primary school."

"Jonah… we learnt that he was terribly ill… that he wouldn't live for one year… then we moved back here. Abram's mum- his only family moved with us, so he agreed."

"I can see that Jonah beat the odds." I smiled.

"Yeah… more than once…"

"Jonah and Leah auditioned for my glee club earlier this week, Jonah said that he was just helping his sister and didn't want to join the New Directions. But… I can tell that he loves singing…"

"I know you want to know why… but I'm not gonna tell you. Jonah's told people about it himself since he was three, he does it better than me, and that way he can decide himself who knows." I nodded. "We weren't going to have more children, I was terrified during all the nine months I was pregnant with Leah, we were going to let someone adopt her… but… as soon as she was born… you know… I couldn't. And thank God we didn't. Sorry… I don't know why… but I keep on telling everyone this."

"It's all right." I said. "I… I returned to McKinley… first as a Spanish teacher, then I took over the glee- club. They said I was going to fail but… look at us now. Still the underdogs but… God." My phone began to vibrate and the tones of don't stop believing filled the room.

"William Schuester."

"Hey Mr. Schue." I heard Lex' voice. "I'm sitting here with the rest of the ND, and we just wanted to tell you that we can do that sorry- thing already tomorrow."

"Okay Lex. Let's do it that way. Ehrm… I actually haven't really got the time to speak right now, sorry I don't wanna be rude."

"It's okay. We'll do it tomorrow…"

**Leah POV, lunch **

I was eating lunch with Jonah when suddenly the whole glee- club walked in and looking in my direction they sat down, on the tables, on the chairs and on the floor, there had been put a piano in the hall.

"Oh no." I said.

"What?"

"I don't know but it isn't good." The music started and the New Directions caught everybody's attention when they started singing

_I didn't mean to cause your pain  
I'll never to anything like that again  
If sorry helps we'll make it right  
Then sorry ten times let's not fight_

_I'm sorry  
Sometimes it's so hard to say  
I'm sorry  
I let my pride get in the way  
But I want you to know  
I am so sorry_

_Even though I made this mess  
It doesn't mean I love you any less  
Let's not waste words on idle chatter  
Let's say things that really matter_

_I'm sorry  
Sometimes it's so hard to say  
I'm sorry  
I let my pride get in the way  
But I want you to know  
I am so sorry_

_Sometimes it's hard to admit it when I'm wrong  
When I'm wrong  
But when I'm with you I feel like I belong  
Like I belong_

_I'm sorry  
Sometimes it's so hard to say  
I'm sorry  
I let my pride get in the way  
But I want you to know  
I am so sorry _

_I want you to know  
I am so sorry_

I brown- haired boy stood up and came forward to me and Jonah.

"Hey Leah, I'm Connor, and we're the New Directions. We are… very sorry. But… Tyler said some true words after you'd left. In New Directions we're a family… and in a family… you accept everyone, you make it work… but you also forgive, and give second chances… so… hopefully you'll give us a second chance… and… as I said… in a family, you're there for each other, no matter what, so Jonah. We'd like to offer you a place in the New Directions as well." The New Directions now all stood in a row in front of me and Jonah, I looked to my brother.

"I'll do it if you do it."

**The song is sorry from the saddle club series 3, performed by Kaiya Jones and Ella- Rose Shenman.**

**This chapter isn´t so good, but it's kind of a filler. So… I hope you don't think it's too bad. **


	3. Introductions

Thursday afternoon the whole of New Directions- including me and Jonah were gathered in the choir room. That's right, I and Jonah had at last decided to at least try to be a part of the glee- club, and when we came in there we were talking about my birthday- which was soon coming up.

"You know what I wish for." I told Jonah. "It's just that it's never going to happen."

"So, yeah, yeah. Isn't there anything else you want? You know normal girls wish to have shoes or something like that for their birthdays."

"I don't care about shoes." I said truthfully.

"It's your birthday soon?" A girl with dark- red hair leaned forward in the second row and smiled at me. "Hi, by the way, I'm Lex."

"Yes it's my birthday on Monday, and hi Lex."

"So what is it you want but can't have then?" Mr. Schue asked me.

"A dog." I and Jonah sighed at the exact same time. Mr. Schue smiled and went back to riffling in his papers.

"Hold on… isn't Monday…" Lex began but I interrupted.

"One word of what date I was born…" Lex pretended to lock her mouth and throw the key over her shoulder, but boy was it impossible to have a conversation without everybody listening in this room?

"Which date?" Connor asked, I sighed.

"September the eleventh 2001." Sean- who sat in the back of the room, had just taken a sip of a slushie and now sprayed it all out on Marcie and Ben- who sat in front of him.- followed by coughs due to swallowing it wrong.

"SEAN." Ben and Marcie shouted at the exact same time.

"I'm sorry." Sean coughed.

"May I assume that nine eleven is something…" A dark- haired boy began. Sean nodded. I shrugged and then kept on talking with Jonah. Until we at last got to the audiotourium, everyone sat down on the floor, Mr. Schue helped me to get down as well, while everyone sat down in a circle in the middle of the stage.

"Today we´re spending about an hour to get to know each other, first, we all say our name, one thing we´ve done this summer, and something we like. First, my name is William Schuester, you can call me Mr. Schue or Mr. S, how you like it. This summer… I have been to Maine to visit and old friend, and I really like this glee- club. Aiden?" Mr. Schue looked to the brown- haired boy.

"I´m Aiden O'Malley…." Aiden, Jasper, Amy, Ben, Marcie, nothing really interesting until it came to Moa.

"My name is Moa Dallvin, this summer I moved to Lima from Kiruna, Sweden, I really like… well… walking in the forest, where it's quiet and you can just sing as loud as you want, without anyone hearing you." Moa looked a bit sad, then it went on again, until it came to me.

"I'm Leah Carmichael… this summer I spent some time in Benton's harbor, Michigan with my boyfriend… and I really like dogs." I looked to Jonah.

"My name's Jonah Carmichael, this summer I've been spending quite a lot of time with Leah, and I sure do like sleeping."

"My name's Alexandria Hudmel, everyone calls me Lex. This summer I've been spending loads of time with my family. And I like… I like… spending time with them."

"My name's Tyler Benton…" And so it went on again. I looked to Moa, she didn´t look at the one talking, instead she looked to the floor and remembered something. I could guess she was thinking about Sweden.

When we had gone the whole way around, Lex sat with a Rubik's cube, I looked to Jonah, smirked and then I wheeled and Jonah walked over to her.

"How´s it going with that cube?" Jonah asked.

"It's impossible, I've been working on it for weeks."

"May I try?" Jonah asked, Lex gave him the cube.

"You know." Jonah said while fast working on the cube, barely even looking at it. "This is hard from the beginning, but once you've made it once it's quite easy." Jonah solved the cube. "And then… you try again… and it gets easier for every time." He gave it to me after spread the colors out and I solved it.

"See? Not that hard." I spread the colors out again and gave Lex her cube back. Lex put the cube away and then looked to me.

"You know Leah… the day at the accident… we were the first one's there." I looked to the floor. "Excuse me for asking, but how thing's going after that?"

"I would learn how to walk again if my parents ever would let me try. You know at the rehab they've got bunks where you lay and let someone bend and stretch out your legs, they've also got these where you can try to walk holding on to rails. I wanna try that, but my parents won't let me try. They're a bit overprotective, though I don't see how they're protecting me with just keep on holding me from walking. Sorry… I'm just talking."

"Do you think it would be better if anyone else then your parents came with you to the rehab?"

"Then who?" I smirked.

"Like me."

"Mr. Schue… I don't want to be a burden."

"You're not."

"Okay… it's fine with me… but I don't think mum and dad would agree."

"When's the next appointment?"

"Tomorrow at three."

"I'll deal with your parents. Don't you worry." Mr. Schue smiled at me, then stood up again and walked over to Moa. I wheeled over to her along with him, she sat looking at some photos that she had had in her bag.

"Is that from Sweden?" Mr. Schue asked, Moa nodded, and sniveled.

"Hey." Mr. Schue pulled his arm around Moa's shoulders and put each hand on each of her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Moa said in a thick voice. "I'm fine." She cleared her throat.

"Moa… it's okay. In this room, we can all be who we are, without anybody judging u, and it's all right to cry. It's okay for you to be sad."

"I just miss it." Jonah had kneeled down next to Moa, he took a look at the picture Moa had in her hands now. A group of girls dressed in clothes for a really, really cold winter- day. With thick coats, snow- pants, boots, caps and everything else that went with it. Moa was a bit hard to recognize with both the clothes and all the snow around- and on them, but I could barely notice her standing in the middle of the group.

"Who are they?" Jonah pointed to the picture. Moa pointed to the girl furthest to the left and with every name she said she moved her finger to the person further to the right.

"That's Jessica, my best friend Alva, me, Linnéa and Hannah." Moa switched photo to a picture of her and a little boy with the same blonde hair as herself.

"That's my brother Nils."

"Is everyone in Sweden blonde?" Jonah asked looking quite confused, Moa glared at him.

"No, they're not all blonde, no they haven't all got blue eyes, no we don't ride polar- bears, neither reindeers, and yes, it gets warm in the summer."

"Moa…" Jonah moaned. "You left me with one naive stereotype..." he hadn't had the time to finish his sentence before Moa interrupted.

"…And no we don't sleep with everything's that's alive."

"Crap." Jonah swore, even though I knew that wasn't the stereotype he had thought of. Mr. Schue snorted with laughter.

Later that day, me, Jonah, mum and dad all sat around the kitchen table- me and Jonah were discussing the glee- club.

"I just don't think I'm good enough!"

"Leah, that's like saying you're not a good writer, because you are a good singer and your poems are excel…"

"They're rubbish, so that's not a good metaphor."

"You know Leigh, if you let me and your mum or anyone else read your poems, maybe you would have someone else to say that they're good… but no one can do that as long as Jonah's the only one who gets to read your poems."

"No." I fizzled. "Stop nagging me about it."

"But you are a good writer!" Jonah said.

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

**Mr. Schue POV**

On my last lesson for the week, I went through the list of students.

"Marcus Bailey."

"Here."

"Jonah Carmichael?" I looked around the room, no Jonah. "Isn't Jonah here."

"He went to the nurse." A student named Gracelyn Payne said. "I think."

"Again," Marcus moaned. "Third time today." I looked scowl, then went through the rest of the list, before telling the students to work on while I went to the nurse's office, I came in, the nurse told me Jonah was in the room to the left, and I walked in there, Jonah laid on his back on a bunk, pale, and obviously exhausted, Leah sat next to him, holding his hand, and with that red and white bottle in her other hand.

"Jonah?" Jonah lifted his head when I called his name.

"Hey Mr. S, sorry, but I don't think I can come to history today." I nodded, clapped his shoulder and then turned around, on my way out, I heard Jonah call for me.

"Mr. S, come here." I rushed back to Jonah, Jonah had sat up half, leaning on his elbows.

"Sit," he nodded to a chair next to the bunk. "Listen, you're going to know this sooner or later anyway, so might as well tell you now before you hear it through rumors that aren't true… it's also got to do with why I from the start didn't want to join new directions… and the reason for that is… that I'm probably not going to survive this year, maybe not even 'til Christmas."

**Mohaha, cliffhanger. **

**I know this is another filler, and that it's like all conversation, but it had to be done this way. I can almost promise the chapters will be longer and better soon. **

**Did anyone see the name among Moa's friends? Like THE name? **

**And if anyone wonders, No, I'm not from Kiruna, haha, I had so much fun bringing all those stereotypes about Swedes. **

**If anyone would like, I could do a youtube- video describing how to pronounce all those Swedish names… okay, I'm stopping there. **


	4. Against all odds

**Hey, I just wanted to say that I'm a nursing assistant- not a doctor, and in this chapter it comes out what it is with Jonah. As long as I don't find anything to suit the storylines, which I've pretty much asked all of my nursing teachers about, then I will just describe it. **

Jonah had just told me what was going on when Mr. Carmichael came jogging into the room. He gently pushed me out of his way, and stopped by his son's chest, lifting a hand, and stroking the fringe away from Jonah's forehead, feeling it at the same time.

"Bad day bud? How many?"

"Five, last one got pretty bad, but I do feel better now, only… really tired."

"Do you think you can stand up?" Jonah sighed, then shook his head, Mr. Carmichael scooped him up and turned around. Jonah had had the zip of his hoodie pulled down, and with the movement, the fabric fell onto the side, the fabric of his T- shirt also tightened around Jonah's body and through it I could spot several ribs. Oh lord, this young man must be nothing else than just skin and bones.

But, that wasn't so strange, I knew now, I knew the reason for the attacks, what that little red and white spray- bottle was for, and why Jonah didn't want to join the glee club, I checked my clock, it was yet forty five minutes until I'd have to bring Leah to the rehab, but I needed to do some thinking on my own so I walked back to the classroom and told the seniors that the class had been dismissed. I sat down on the desk and thought back, trying to take in all that Jonah and Leah had just told me.

"I've been riding with the ambulance so many times…" Jonah had tried to be joking towards the end. "If you tell them it's Jonah Carmichael, they will know exactly where to go without anyone giving them the address or having to use the GPS." It wasn't actually a funny joke. More tragic than funny, but I chuckled, as it was a way of making something really hard- something breaking one down- into something that wasn't as hard to bear.

"I was born with a heart- condition, at first they said I wasn't going to live for an hour- then one year- then three years, then I wasn't ever going to get old enough to start primary school and so on. You might think… well, if I have beat the odds so many times, why not again? Well… just these last four, five months. Everything's gotten so much worse, in so little time. You get it."

"Wouldn't a heart transplant work?"

"It's too much, the heart- failure is already getting on my lungs as well, and in the whole blood system, which makes all the other organs fail." Jonah smiled a bit. "Ironic I know, but if I had had a transplant when I was little it might have worked, but not now, the risk is too big. And I do think it's enough with forty three tablets a day including nitro- spray." He had nodded to the red and white spray bottle.

I had been dealing with loads of different students through the years as a teacher, like Artie and Leah- students with disabilities, like Kurt and Santana- people who were getting discriminated by their sexuality. Like Sam and Brittany- the two who didn't know or could what everybody else did… and like Lex- who I had from the beginning known wouldn't trust me with what was hurting her.

But how would I know how to deal with this? How was I going to deal with the fact that one of my New Directions probably wasn't going to be alive by the end of the year?

"I can set boundaries for myself, tell you if I need help anything. Just treat me like I was like anyone else." What was Jonah had told me. And then started talking about what would soon happen.

"I have good and bad days, on the good I feel quite good, bad I can have a couple attacks an hour. The bad days are coming closer and closer, they happen, about once a week now… not all are just as bad, today´s the worst in a couple of months. But also these will come closer. I need to keep more hydrated than others… but in… who knows how much time I'm not even going to be able to eat myself anymore, and needs to be probe- fed. That and a hundred other things, they're going to change, going to get worse."

"What about infections, do you need to stay home when the flu's going around…" Jonah shook his head.

"Doctors say I must, but it's my choice… I don't want to be stuck at home all day for months. No, I know that when I leave this place for good, I have made the most of every minute, and I can't do that sitting on my butt in front of the TV all day long, because I'm scared of getting a cold. But yeah, I do take meds and stuff to improve my immune system, I gotta wash my hands very carefully before I eat anything and such stuff. But anyone could do that."

I had looked to Jonah without speaking up at the moment. No, not anyone could do what they did! I had looked to Jonah, then to Leah. What was behind those two pairs of brown eyes? Leah's so dark, Jonah's lighter. How many times had Leah come in second hand, because Mr. Carmichael and Edna had to take care of Jonah? How many times had Jonah just been screaming out the pain, that was ripping his chest?

"I have a dosage unit," Jonah had pulled up something I recognized from the drug- store from his bag. "I take meds when I eat my breakfast, next at nine A.M. when I eat my lunch and so on. I take one med for one problem, which gives me certain side effects, then I take another med for that side- effects, which gives me another and so on. I don't even know the names of all my meds or what they do." Jonah had smiled slightly, it was ironic. So ironic. But that smile, how much did it cover for? How many times had Jonah wanted to through all the meds who knows where, to just never see them again.

"Mr. Schue?" Leah came wheeling into the classroom where I stood. "You're okay?" I nodded. Leah wheeled closer to me. "Listen Mr. Schue, I know it's a lot to take in. I've seen every kind of reaction for Jonah's condition. And I mean every kind. Both I, Jonah, mum and dad can answer any questions at almost any time. But… don't treat any of us differently because you know all this… It might feel weird from the start, but you'll get used to it. And if you treat us differently it won't make anyone happy or satisfied." I nodded.

"Should we get a move on now," I looked at the clock, which had reached fifteen minutes before three. Leah nodded. "Coach Beiste is coming with us as well, I asked her to come to help me. Just so we'll be two, she's also a lot stronger than me, so she probably will be able to do this better than I."

"Coach Beiste?" Leah looked a bit freaked out.

"I tried finding you for asking, but I couldn't find you in time and… I hope it's alright."

"She… kinda freaks me out a bit." I laughed.

"Now, I know she does, she does to many of the students, but I can promise you, that coach Beiste is the kindest person I know." I was interrupted when Shannon Beiste herself opened the door to the classroom.

"Hey Will… Leah… time to go now is it?" Leah stared at coach Beiste, biting her lip, but then nodded and let me push her out of the room and out to my car.

**Leah POV **

"So what happened?" Coach Beiste asked me, I sighed.

"I was hit by a car." I wheeled towards the rails, where I could walk holding on to them. I sighed, then shook my head, now when it was finally time I was so nervous. I couldn't do this right now, I needed my brother, he was supposed to be here.

"Leah," Mr. Schue's voice brought me back to reality from my thoughts.

"I can…. I can't do this now… Jonah must be here…. I need Jonah." Mr. Schue kneeled down next to me, looking scowl. "I can't… not without him." Mr. Schue looked as if he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Leah… I know you think you need Jonah," Coach Beiste said. "But you don't… you need you, and that's perfectly enough do you hear me?" I looked to Coach Beiste without moving my head, my brown eyes met her grey, and they didn't freak me out at all. Mr. Schue sure had been right about that she was kind, I could see it now, then I nodded.

"Okay."

"You know, if you want Jonah and your parents to see it I could film it and mail it to you." A nurse named Dorothy said, I thought for a second, then nodded, she pulled a camera out of her pocket. When she had it set ready Mr. Schue and Coach Beiste more or less lifted me into standing position, I laid my hands and took steady grips of the rails on each side, but still, without moving my feet.

"Ready?" Mr. Schue asked and squeezed my hand. He and Coach Beiste stood on each side, ready to act if I'd fall. I nodded.

"Ready!"

**So… you kind of know what's going on with Jonah now then. The things that Jonah's saying, doesn't come in the order he actually said them, it comes in the order Mr. Schue goes back and remembers them. What did you think, good/ bad? **


	5. Wishes

"Ready!" I answered Mr. Schue and then looked straight forward, then I moved my right hand a little bit forward on the rail and slowly, I began to move my right foot. But when the toes of my shoe dragged towards the mattress on the floor I fell forward- before I had even had the chance to take a step I fell forward. Barely had I reacted on the fact that I fell until I felt two pairs of strong arms catch me.

"You okay?" Mr. Schue asked, I nodded and regained my balance. Tears- mostly of anger and disappointment I felt rising in my eyes. I bent my head to be able to stroke them away on my own sleeve.

"Hey" I felt Mr. Schue's hand on my shoulder. "It's alright, you gotta be prepared that this'll be two steps ahead and one step back." I sniveled.

"You don't understand Mr. Schue." I said. "I gotta do this… I need to prove… I need to prove to my parents that I can do this. And…"

"Leah… what's your full name?" Coach Beiste forced me to look at her.

"Leah Sophia Marilla Carmichael"

"Well… Leah Sophia Marilla Carmichael… you don't need to prove to anyone that you can do this okay?.."

"You don't understand… I gotta prove it… the guy who hit me… Harvey… my parents are so cross with him… I am not and I don't want them to be either, maybe, if I could walk again, then we can all just leave this behind. I can walk, Harvey can forgive himself, and mum and dad can forgive Harvey."

"Listen Leah." Mr. Schue told me. "Your parents are aware of the fact that they're gonna lose your brother, they were so close to losing you too. Can you imagine them getting a phone call and being told you've been hit by a car? And can you imagine the feelings towards the man who caused it?"

"Not really," I mumbled, while the scene of the accident played over and over in my head, as always when I was talking about it, Jonah shouted, I turned around, could see the car but I couldn't move… I couldn't move.

"Leah? Leah?... Leah?" Coach Beiste's voice brought me back to reality.

"Mhm."

"You want to try again." I looked straight ahead, then nodded and looked back to her.

"Remember! You don't need to prove anything to anyone… okay?" I nodded again, then looked straight forward, took a deep breath and started lifting my right foot, every movement was slow and stiff, but at last, I put the foot down again, it wasn't far from where I had lifted it up, but it was a step, and I continued with moving the other foot, then again, then again. It was slow, stiff, but it was walking.

"Leah you're walking." Another nurse- Lionel said. "You're really walk…" he hadn't finished the sentence when I stumbled and fell again, again Mr. Schue and Coach Beiste caught me from each side, pain shot through my spine, as I moaned and without thinking my hand reached for my back.

"You okay?" Mr. Schue asked again. I nodded again. "Maybe that's enough for today?!"

"No…. I want to try again."

"Leah…"

"I want to try again." I tried to regain my balance again, only to have pain shoot through my spine again and completely losing it. Coach Beiste caught me before I'd hit the mattress. But the sudden movement make another wave of pain shoot through my spine, as I whimpered in pain.

"That's definitely enough for today!" Coach Beiste scooped me up and lifted me back to my wheelchair. I was in too much pain to protest, as I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

"Hey." Mr. Schue came along. "Remember what I said, you gotta be prepared that it will be better and worse times, and this was the first." I sniveled and looked up at Lionel.

"Couldn't you have waited a little longer with saying that?" Lionel smirked and walked away to handle another patient.

The next day I sat by my desk in my room, if it was anything that always helped me to move on, it was writing. I always wrote poems, a bit now and then, when I had something to write a poem about, now I had an idea to write about the accident, I had two lines to start with, but it wasn't any good. I knew it wasn't any good. I wasn't a good writer- but I loved writing, and that's what made me carry on.

I put the pencil to the paper again, and carried on my sketch, I tried once, twice, three times, my trashcan kept on filling with more and more paper- balls. At last. I took the last sketch, made it into a ball, and threw it towards the door without looking.

"Leah." I heard Jonah's voice, that's when I understood he had just came through the door, and when I turned around and saw him stroking his forehead I understood I'd hit him with that paper ball.

"Sorry Jonah."

"It's alright." I turned around and started on another sketch.

"UGH." I fizzled. "Why can't I just write something good for once?"

"You know that isn't true… and this is quite good." I looked back to Jonah to see him standing with the paper that had recently been a paper ball, he had unwrapped it and was now reading it, I wheeled over to him and ripped it out of his hands.

"You are under no circumstances allowed to read my sketches. And this is rubbish."

"You know," Jonah continued. "If you put something after lights flashing, like blinding me or something, and move places on these three, take silence last so you've got silence where the poem ends… pain comes first…"

"I don't like that you're a better writer than me…" I did as he said.

"I am not… by the way… there's an extra glee club meeting on Monday, at two." I kept on sketching at the poem, and at last I had something, it wasn't good, kind of like my other poems then, but at least it was something and it was about the accident.

_I can hear  
You're shouting  
turning around  
lights flashing  
blinds me  
I can't move  
Then pain  
Darkness  
Silence _

I sighed, and put the paper inside a twist- folder I always carried around, I had been writing since I learned to spell my own name, always, as long as I could remember. But no one except Jonah or a few teachers- correcting my essays had ever read what I'd written. Jonah kept on telling me my poems were good- but I didn't think so.

**Monday, glee club **

We sat around the floor on the stage in the audiotourium, the whole glee club. Jonah had his backpack open and pulled out a small freeze- box with ice- cubes made of orange- juice, he opened the box and put one of those cubes in his mouth- he knew it drove me crazy when he chewed on them. So that's what he did.

"JONAH." I half shouted and put my hand on my ear. "Stop that."

"But I'm so bored." Jonah moaned with the cube still in his mouth.

"Not for long." Mr. Schue came walking. "Leah, happy birthday." I nodded thanks, and was soon greeted by loads of the others wishing me happy birthday. Jonah chewed again.

"JONAH." I moaned.

"Why do you keep having those at all?" Jasper asked. "Isn't it just cold?" Jonah looked to me, I knew what he was thinking, and he chewed up the rest of the ice cube.

"Listen… you're gonna get to know that sooner or later… but not right now okay? Today's Leah's day…"

"That's right…" Mr. Schue wanted to keep on speaking but was interrupted when Sean started shouting in the phone.

"MUM FOR GOD'S SAKE WE GOTTA…. NO…. Curtis? No you can't. Listen… I know it's weird but… FOR FUCK'S SAKE CURTIS LISTEN. NO I'm not letting you replace my dad… I know it's been sixteen years, aah hell no… Wait… Curtis? Mum?" he swore mumbling to himself when he turned off his phone.

"Sean?" Mr. Schue raise an eyebrow at Sean.

"What?" Sean said rudely.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Well then… today's Leah's birthday, and sometimes, a week for someone's birthday I let them decide what we're having as the theme for this week so… Leah?"

"Well…" I thought. "That sorry- song… it was from the saddle club series right?" Some of the others nodded. "I remember those series, I used to watch it all the time when I was little, so… can't we have a week for the saddle club songs?"

"Saddle club week it is…"

"Leah?" I heard dad's voice behind me. I turned around and saw both him and mum stand there.

"I haven't got rehab today." I said, because that was usually the reason they were here at McKinley. "And Jonah's fine…"

"Leah… we're gonna take you to your birthday- present." Dad came over and lifted me back in the wheelchair. "So… I am afraid we'll have to leave now." Dad had a smirk on his lips, that made me both made me exited and a bit freaked out. Mr. Schue grabbed a box from the piano. He reached it to me.

"This is from the whole of New Directions, including me, Coach Beiste and Brad…" The pianist laid down and hit his head on the piano-keys, Mr. Schue sighed. "Okay maybe not from Brad.. but you aren't allowed to open it until after you have gotten your birthday present." Dad pushed me out of the room and out to the parking lot, then we rode the car…. For three hours. At last, dad pulled up at a driveway in front of a big white house, Jonah walked before me and knocked the door when my dad pushed me up the rest of the driveway. A woman- perhaps in her early forties came and opened.

"Hello, you must be the Carmichaels come in come in." Dad lifted me up from the wheelchair and carried me into the house. Mum came after with the chair, and then I was in it again. I wheeled after the woman, who suddenly stopped.

"I'm Marissa Stewart by the way, but you just call me Marissa. What are your names?"

"I'm Abram." Dad pointed to himself, then to mum. "This is my wife Edna, and our children Jonah and Leah."

"And who is the lucky one today?"

"That's Leah." Dad patted my shoulder.

"Okay… Marissa opened a door out to the garden in the living room, and immediately, during high yelps and stumbling, seven white puppies came running into the room, they had different brown and grey spots, one of the puppies had grey ears, and looked up at me. Dad helped me to sit down on the floor, immediately all the seven puppies came jumping up and climbing on me.

"You have got to be kidding me…" I said, my voice almost breaking. "You're kidding me… you're kidding me…" Dad kneeled down next to me.

"We wouldn't do that and you know it… one of these is going to be yours, all yours." I sniveled, and felt tears starting to stream down my cheeks.

"What's the matter?" Dad asked me. "Isn't this what you wanted?" I nodded.

"Oh it's just happiness, oh thank you… this is the best present ever." The most brave puppy, the one with the grey ears came and climbed on me.

"This little guy is sold." Marissa lifted away a little puppy with brown ears and spots.

"And you know what to do right?" Dad asked I nodded, leaned forward and hit the floor with my palm as hard as I could.

"AAAH." I screamed to check which puppy would back away, all six pups except the little one with grey ears, she just stayed and looked at me as if she wanted to say "what are you doing?" I smiled and lifted her up.

"Oh I was gonna pick you anyway," I said. "Yes I was, yes I was."

"That little one is the only female, and she classed out all her brothers. Do you come with me or…" Marissa talked to dad, she nodded stood up and walked out of the room with her while I kept on scratching my puppies stomach.

"Her name is Chasmir by the way."

"Chasmir?" I said to myself. "uh- uh, in our house we've all got names from the bible and that ain't gonna change…" I said and thought back on every girls name in the bible I could think of, it was hard. But at last I came up with one.

"Ariel is from the bible is it?" I looked up at mum, she nodded. I looked down at the puppy.

"Ariel?" I tasted the name. "Ariel… Ariel… your name is Ariel." Ariel yelped. "Oh you like that don't you, yes you do, yes you do."

"Like what?" Marissa and dad came back into the room. Marissa kneeled down. "Chasmir come here." Ariel didn't react. "Chasmir, Chasmir…."

"I'm calling her Ariel." Ariel yelped.

"Okay…. Chasmir," still no reaction, Marissa shook her head. "Ariel?" Ariel looked up and immediately ran over to Marissa.  
"I guess she kind of chose her own name." I smiled, Marissa nodded and hugged Ariel.

"So… I guess we're done here." Marissa shook hands with all of us, dad lifted me up in the chair, and back in the car, where I opened the box Mr. Schue and the others had given me, I ripped away the paper and opened the carton, in there I found a collar for Ariel, dog treats, a leash and dog toys. Ariel began to screech when dad started driving, but I knew I had to ignore it, so I started riffling in one of the books we had gotten from Marissa. But she didn't cry out for long, after just about twenty minutes, she curled into a ball and laid down between me and Jonah to fall asleep.

Just about half an hour before we were home, dad pulled up in front of a store, he told me to pick Ariel- only half awake and we walked in, it was the store where you can get any kind of things you need to your dog. The others pulled me with to where they had dog- beds, and I picked one out. A red one, all soft and I was sure Ariel would like it.

Right by the cashier, there hung tags for collars which you could put the name of the dog on, I looked to them, then shook my head- I'd already had so much today, I could buy one for myself later.

"You want one of those?" Dad asked as if he could read my thoughts, I shrugged, though I knew that dad knew it meant yes. "Go pick one out then." I barely believed it, when I came back with a tag, formed as a heart with the name "ARIEL" on it, and happy but tired, both I and Ariel fell asleep in the car.

**Abram POV **

When we almost were home Leah fell asleep with Ariel in her arms, when we came home, Jonah lifted Ariel up, and I Leah. I laid Leah down on her bed and pulled her covers over her, Jonah laid Ariel upon it. Edna wanted to protest about that but I stopped her, the last thing I did before walking out of the room was slightly touch Leah's forehead with my lips.

"Happy birthday Tiger." I whispered, and then left the room after turning the lights off.

**AWWWWWWW. I LOVE ARIEL! Anyways, a picture of what Ariel looks like (or more likely, what she will look like when she's grown a bit) will come up in my album, link on my profile. And that thing with Marissa, when Marissa calls "Chasmir" and Ariel doesn't react, about a year ago, in the beginning of the summer when we went to pick up our Yippie, Yippie´s name was actually Scilla, and they had tried to call "Scilla" and Yippie didn't react, and then they tried "Yippie" and then she came, so that's based on a true story **

**What do you think's going on with Sean? I know!Yeah yeah, I know, black guy rapping and swearing, very original. But trust me when I say "I've got a plan" I can't believe I made him use that language... don't like don't read  
**


	6. Promising

**I just wanted to make a quick note saying that every single one of Leah's poems are or will be written by me. I didn't really like the poem that came into the last chap, but I've written and will write more, so hopefully some will be better. **

**And guys, guys, I'm in Norway, and when we drove here- and also when we're driving home we'll pass Kiruna- you know the town Moa comes from. Hurray Oh, and speaking about Moa, she speaks in Swedish in this chap, right after there parentheses (is that the word) with thick text, it's the translation of what she says, I know, why even write in Swedish then? Well… because it's so much fun. **

On the morning the day after my birthday I was woken up by a wet tongue licking my face. I groaned and opened my eyes to a small dog- licking everywhere she could reach.

"Hey." I giggled and lifted her while I sat up, the covers fell of me and I realized I had been sleeping in jeans and a hoodie, no wonder I was soaking with sweat. I lifted Ariel to the floor, but almost immediately, as I lifted myself into the wheelchair, she started walking around in circles, sniffing. I knew what was coming so I lifted her up and put her in my lap as I wheeled out in the garden and lifted her down on the grass. While she ran around and did what she needed I just sat there, watched her. I started thinking about a song I knew was a part in the saddle club with a song I could use, even though I'd have to change the lyrics a little. I lifted Ariel up in my lap again and wheeled into the house. Jonah wasn't awake yet, but mum sat by the table and dad stood by the kitchen bench fixing breakfast for himself. I put Ariel on the floor, she slipped on the wooden floor, and then ran over to dad, sat down and looked longingly up at his ham- sandwich.

"Want a piece?" Dad held up a slice of ham, I took the ham from him, and held it down to the floor under Ariel.

"Lay down." I said, she probably didn't know what that meant but I knew how to teach her. She laid down to reach the ham, I gave her the slice, while patting her head and telling her she was my very good girl.

"Dad?" I looked up at dad with Ariel in my lap a couple of minutes later.

"Yes?"

"Where will Ariel be when we are at work and school?" Before dad had the time to answer, Jonah came into the kitchen, drowsy, he sat down on a chair while mum pushed the egg- cup we used for his meds towards him.

"I'll bring her to the office." Dad answered my question. "None of my co- workers are allergic, and I can take pauses to take her out." Dad lifted Ariel up, and she started licking his chin and cheeks. Dad laughed and scratched her. I wheeled down the hallway to my room so I could get a shower and some proper clothes on.

It took me about ten minutes to say goodbye to Ariel, before I wheeled towards the school with Jonah walking beside me.

**Moa POV **

Third lesson after lunch, fifth lesson of the day, Miss Frond, Gosh, at home in Sweden, no one, just no one used miss, Madame, Mrs. or Mr. Neither for our teacher's nor anyone else, I had accidently called Mr. Pearce- the maths teacher- approximately three hundred and four years old man "Edward" earlier, and gotten a lecture in front of the whole class, while I was stuttering an explanation that where I came from we simply just called everyone by their first or maybe even their nicknames.

I hated this stupid place, this stupid country, I wanted to go home again. Where I could understand all the freaking words, without having to interrupt the person talking every third second to ask about a word I didn't understand.

I wanted to go home, where no one made fun of the word lagom, smorgasbord or my north- Swedish accent. Where my brother wouldn't throw a tantrum that made everyone- even those who knew why believe he was crazy - of course he was frustrated, he didn't understand people and they didn't understand him, why was I the only one who could understand that?

I wanted to go home, where it actually was possible to buy a bottle of coke, without having to buy a two- liters bottle. I sighed, and tried to understand the words in the geography book again. Half of the terms were to me, what it would have been to the others if their books had been in Swedish.

"Förbannade USA," **(Dang USA) **I mumbled to myself, then I grabbed the book and started hitting it in the desk. All the time while talking in Swedish- mostly to myself. "Jag hatar det här landet, jag hatar det här stället, jag hatar den här skolan" etc. **(I hate this country, I hate this place, I hate this school etc.) **

"Miss Dallvin" Miss Frond said, but it sounded more like "Dallen" and… well, that's when I realized what I was doing.

"For the last time, it's Moa, and if you must call me by my last name, for God's sake learn how to pronounce it…" Miss Frond opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang, and before she had the time to give me detention, or send me to principal Figgins (stupid last names). I had gathered all my books and was on my way to the audiotourium for glee club. No one of the others were there yet, I plugged my phone in the loudspeakers and turned on the Karaoke- version of a song I had found. The music filled the room.

_Up and down, round and round  
Can't keep up with what's going on  
Everything's changing  
Have to try, ask the sky  
To show me a way to make everything alright, yeah  
Trying to find a way to fit in  
Not even knowing where to begin_

_Will I find a direction?  
Can I make a connection?  
Will this ever feel like home?  
Could I ever make this place my own?_

_Inside out roundabout  
Can't even get my head around  
Everything's changing  
Wondering why I beg the sky  
To show me a way to make everything alright  
Trying to find a way to fit in  
Not even knowing where to begin_

_Will I find a direction?  
Can I make a connection?  
Will this ever feel like home?  
Could I ever make this place my own?_

_Make this place my own  
Make this place my own_

_I don't recognize myself  
I could use a little help  
Spinning round and round and round and round  
And falling down_

_Oh yeah, yeah_

_Will I make a connection?  
Will this ever feel like home?  
Could I ever make this place my own?_

_Will I find a direction?  
Can I make a connection?  
Will this ever feel like home?  
Could I ever make this place my own?  
Make this place my own_

I grabbed my phone and put it back in my pocket when I heard clapping behind me. I turned around to see Mr. Schue standing there.

"Hey Mr. S." I said and turned around again, I sat down on the stage- it would probably be yet a while before the others arrived, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned around to see Mr. Schue standing there.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." I walked passed him, and walked up in the stairs to sit down in one of the chairs in the audience, but Mr. Schue didn't leave me alone, he came to sit down next to me, I had pulled up some photos of my bag and looked at one.

"That in… what was it called again?" I sighed.

"Kiruna, and yes… there is this, grill called Annis, me and my friends used to eat there at least twice a week, I shot this pic from the balcony there." Mr. Schue smiled.

"You miss it huh?" I nodded.

"Yep, I miss everything. I even miss the earthquakes and the trains- and those are circumstances that could get quite annoying sometimes." I smiled, Mr. Schue looked questioning at me. Oh crap, why did I keep talking about stuff I knew they didn't understand? "They break Ore in the mine, for that they use dynamite, and then you can sometimes feel the ground shake. The train rails are like everywhere- nah, but there are a bit here and there, and there was one only about a hundred meters from where I lived. I used to go into the forest, cross the train rail, and into another forest, I used to walk there, I sang as much and as loud as I wanted because no one could hear me anyways. Then I came home and mum went furious about that I had crossed the rail, but it was worth it. I loved the hours when I just walked there and sang to myself… sorry… I'm just talking."

"No it's okay." Mr. Schue answered. "It's really interesting. I've always thought that other countries and languages are quite fascinating. Especially the fact that people can actually understand the words they're saying if it is in the right language, but not if they don't know the language. Oh sorry, now I'm just talking."

"This glee club is the first thing I've been liking with living here." Mr. Schue smiled.

"How about… well… you and I… we meet here every week, right before the glee meeting starts, and we, come up with three things that you learned liking with living here, we can do it until Christmas, or the whole year, and then… you'll see there are kind of loads of things you like about this place." I smiled and nodded, Mr. Schue pulled out an empty notebook from his bag and a pencil from his bag, then wrote a one- number on the first row and looked to me.

"Let's start right now, first thing."

"The new directions." He chuckled and wrote it as number one. Then looked back to me. "My parents aren't working as much here as at home." Mr. Schue added that to the list, just as Leah and Jonah Carmichael came walking onto he stage.

"Third?"

"You know, I kinda like having a name that no one else here has." Mr. Schue added that to the list.

"By the way Moa." Mr. Schue said. "When is your birthday?"

"Second May… crap… Swedish order, of course I mean May the second."

"How about… if the week for your birthday, we would make it a week when everyone has to do songs in Swedish I couldn't help but start laughing.

"That sounds great Mr. Schue"

**Leah POV**

"Hey guys." I and Jonah greeted at the same time as Moa and Mr. Schue came down on the stage.

"Are you sure you guys aren't twins?" Mr. Schue asked. "Because to me it seems like you say the same things at the same time and finish each other's sentences all the time."

"We do…" Jonah began. We had gotten this question before.

"But we're not twins…"

"My birthday's December the 11:th 1999…"

"And mine's nine eleven. Yep, THE nine eleven." Mr. Schue chuckled and shook his head, the others had come in almost everybody, so as usual we sat down around the stage, and started talking.

"How did you like your birthday present?" Lex asked me, and the expression on her face told me that she already knew what I had gotten.

"Most awesome present ever." I said.

"What's its name?" Connor asked, see? I had started learning the others names.

"Ariel. By the way Mr. Schue, talking about Ariel, I found a song I could change the lyrics just a few words, and then I can use it. Can I sing it now?"

"The floor's yours?" Mr. Schue and the others- except Jonah walked down to sit in the audience. Jonah grabbed a guitar, sat down and started playing.

_She wears grey ears like her mother does  
But her chubby legs don't work as they're supposed to  
Her head is proud when she does stand up  
And she jigs around the garden just to show you_

_Oooh she's mine  
She'll grow up into something fine  
My little girl  
My little girl_

_She's my little friend and I'll teach her well  
She'll be the cleverest beauty you'll ever see  
And we'll take walks up on mountain sides  
'Til the very top where the wind and rain are free_

_Oooh she's mine  
she'll grow up into something fine  
My little girl  
My little girl_

_When you're feeling sad there's nothing like a friend  
who'll let you talk and love you back again  
This little girl will grow up strong with me  
With me_

_Oooh she's mine  
She'll grow up into something fine  
Up mountain ides we'll be walking  
My little girl  
My little girl _

The others clapped, and Jonah showed them to get down on the stage again as we as usual sat down on the stage.

"Listen everyone." Jonah said. "I said yesterday I'd tell you why I've got these cubes with frozen orange juice. And the fact is, they've got to do with why I've got this." He pulled out the Nitrospray out of his pocket and put it in front of him. "And this," he pulled the doze unit out of his bag, along with the box with frozen orange juice. "And this." He pulled of the chain he wore around his neck, from that hang a metal- sign with numbers to me, mum and dad- the heart- apartment at the hospital, and Jonah's doctor. "And this." Jonah also wore a wristband, with a button- that if we had to press it- it would send signals to the emergency services and send an ambulance to wherever Jonah would be at the moment.

"Hang on- isn't this." Marcie pointed to the button. "My grandpa had one like that- it would send an alarm to the emergency services when he pressed it." Jonah nodded.

"Yep, it will." I looked around the room- everyone looked worriedly to Jonah, he continued. "The thing is… I was born with a heart condition- at first I wasn't going to live for an hour- then for a year- then three years- never long enough for primary school and so on. I've beaten those odds, but… the thing is… it's gotten so much worse these last few months… I probably ain't going to be alive by the end of this school- year, maybe not even until Christmas." I could hear some of the others gasp, and I spotted that a few of them also had tears in their eyes.

"What's it called?" A girl I didn't know her name asked. Jonah chuckled.

"Carmichael syndrome Or, CMS as they usually say it… yes, I seem to be the first one in the world with it. There are syndromes that are close to this- but the doctors have never seen anyone with the exact same symptoms all at once." He smiled and looked around to the others. "The reason why I didn't want to join New Directions are many, I can't sing songs with too long notes, or that goes too fast. If I don't have the time to breathe I will have an attack- I can't dance, in fact barely stand and sing at the same time. But most of all I didn't want to put you all through this. You see, when I go to sleep at night, there is never a promise I will wake up to see tomorrow. I don't want to put you all through losing me. And more than anything else, you may never EVER. Avoid me for my problems, that won't make any of us feel good afterwards, don't be afraid to ask questions, talk about anything about it, or getting to know me better. Just don't avoid me okay."

"Listen Jonah." Mr. Schue said. "In glee club we're a family, and we'll all the here until the very end. I promise. And to you all." He looked first to Jonah, then to me, then to the others. "The door to my room is always open, if you want to chat or ask about something, I will always be there for you okay?" Mr. Schue pulled out some papers out of his bag and gave each to me, Jonah, Sean and Moa. "This is a contract, it's a promise that you won't drink any alcohol during your time in glee club. And if you break the promise… see that number in the corner? If you break it, call me, and I will come and give you a safe ride home okay? Also, if you get into other trouble, you're free to call me, if you need a place to stay I'll let you sleep at mine. If you need someone to talk to I'll listen." I pulled out a pencil from my pocket and signed it "Leah Carmichael" then I gave it back to Mr. Schue, and handed the pencil to Jonah.

"What a mix we've got with new Glee- clubbers this year huh?" Jasper said. "One with a heart condition, one in a wheelchair, one Swede and one…" he thought about it. "One that just is himself… only thing missing now is the traditional shy, small girl with the hell of a voice." We started laughing, until we heard a small voice behind us.

"Excuse me?" We heard, I had to turn around to see who the voice belonged to, and spotted a girl from freshman year, she was blonde, very skinny, and very short.

"Is this the glee club?" she asked.

"No way," Aiden said and shook his head. "No way."

"Excuse me… then do you know where the glee club is?" She sure was very shy too. Mr. Schue cleared his throat.

"Sorry, yes this is the glee club. Would you like to audition?"

"If it's not too late." She looked shyly at us.

"No of course not, just tell us your name and which song you'd like to sing."

"My name's Caroline Landon," she said shyly. "And I'd like to sing I have nothing by Whitney Houston."

"No way." Aiden shook his head again

**So, that's it, I'm still in Norway, but before I can have this chapter uploaded I'll be home. My laptop's been "playing pranks" on me, but at last, my brother figured out what it was, and fixed it. But yet, I have no internet in the rorbu (it's sort of a cabin right by a fjord or the sea, just google it) and it takes about 9-10 hours to drive home, so I won't be able to get this up before I'm home tomorrow night**

**I have decided to do a video to describe how to pronounce Moa's name, and all the other Swedish names… hmm… I'm looking so much forward to write that Swedish week, shame it's yet so far away. But I've got some great ideas for it. **

**I will stop I swear, but I just wanted to make a quick note about Jonah's condition- yes, I came up with something. It was the easiest way to do it, and will also explain why stuff like transplant and such haven't been done. And all those stuff that he has I found either from a book- some of my nursing teachers or the meds (and Nitrospray!) my grandpa had. If I get things wrong, I am so, so, sorry.**

**I'm home now, and a picture of Caroline will be up "yaaaaaaaawn"… tomorrow I think **


	7. The worse

**I've already written a few poems for this, and I posted one of them on this side called "dikta" and… this girl PM:d me, and said she wanted to have that poem as a part of a collection of poems for some sort of charity- thing…. Wait for it… wait for it… three, two, one YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY YAYYAYYAYYAYAYYAYYAYYAYYAAYYAYAYYAYYAYYAYAYYAY YAY, YAY, YAY OH YEAH, OH YEAH. YAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAY**

When Caroline was singing most of our chins dropped. I myself must have looked kind of like a bird house-you know, with the mouth forming to an "O" like the hole in the house. How on earth? How did that voice fit into that tiny little girl? When Caroline had stopped, it went all quiet, and no one said anything for several seconds.

"Okay then…" Caroline said after the seconds. "I will just leave… thanks for your time." She turned around and took a few steps out, then Mr. Schue- as chocked as all of us others got on his feet.

"No, no, no." He got before her and grabbed her arms. "That was beautiful, and yes, we'd be very happy to have you as a part of the New Directions." Mr. Schue laid his hand on Caroline's back and led her back to the group.

"Everyone welcome our new member Caroline Landon. Yeah and by the way…" Mr. Schue ran over to the bench, "I want you all to write on this, write name, and clothing size for sweat pants, hoodie and T- shirt." God knows why he wanted to know, but I wrote it down, and when we were done Mr. Schue lifted me up in the wheelchair again, I'd have to wait for him and coach Beiste again- rehab- before I could leave. I wheeled backwards, talking to Jonah, and accidently wheeled into someone.

"Oii." I turned around- oh great! Teeghan.

"I'm sorry, I didn't AAAH." Before I had finished the sentence Teeghan had grabbed the wheel and pushed me over.

"HEY. Hey, hey, hey." Mr. Schue and some of the others came running. "Are you okay?" He kneeled down by me.

"You okay?" Mr. Schue asked once I again as I didn't answer him the first time. I nodded. "I'm fine." Then I let Mr. Schue lift me up in the chair again.

"What on earth is up with her?" Jonah asked, more himself than anyone else. I knew he was angry- few things made Jonah mad- but someone that did something to me was one of those- the worst in his mind- followed by someone doing anything towards our parents, and jokes about life- threatening illnesses as his own.

"Don't care about it Jonah." When Jonah and Mr. Schue looked away, I stroke my arm- when I'd tried to catch myself- I had landed on it- and I would probably have a quite nasty bruise soon. I wheeled slowly after Jonah out in the corridor again- Jonah was leaving to go home, and I pulled out a book to read from my locker- waiting for Mr. Schue and Coach Beiste for rehab.

**Teeghan POV **

Yeah, yeah, yeah Teeghan Chrystal Knight pushed over kid in a wheelchair- oh boo- hoo. Bad Teeghan, really, really bad. I shook my head again and turned around to walk out in the corridor where Alice is waiting, she frowned looking at me.

"You didn't give her a chance to explain. It was an accident and you know it." She told me.

"Whatever."

"You know what…" I walked past Alice and continued down the hall, she followed me. "I'm getting sick of you. You're rude to anyone and everyone- especially Lex…"

"That's because Lex is a…"

"Don't you dare say that last word." She tells me. "You're rude to everyone and you're never there for anyone who would be there for you when you needed."

"Yeah. Like what." I snorted.

"Like when Josh disappeared- he was gone for a long while and you just avoided me more and more- and like Lex- how hard do you think last year was for her…"

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah- here we go again- well did you realize Lex was the only one and thing that seemed to mean something at all last year."

"You're just unbelievable." Alice told me, grabbed my shoulder and forced me to turn towards her and stop. "Are you really that selfish?" I snorted. "You expect us all to be there when you need us- but when need you or when someone else has too much attention- you just ignore it- and I don't want to be friends with someone like that." Alice turned around and walked down the hall without me. I shrugged and went to get some books from my locker. I didn't care about her- I didn't- not at all.

I got in my car and drove home- more a mansion of a house- a sign in front of it saying George Knight's- my great grandfather- mansion. Mum and dad wasn't home- so as usual- I was home alone with the people that worked for us.

"Send a snack up to my room." I told Katie. Then I hurried up to my own room- turned my TV on and lifted my laptop up onto my knees. I googled on "the saddle- club song" and found one, I listened through it- and yes- it was like it was written about me.

**Leah POV**

On Wednesday I received a note in my locker- about meeting someone in the hallway outside Mr. Pearce's classroom when school had ended- and when I came over there- Jonah, Moa, Caroline and Sean were there.

"You received a note too?" Sean asked, I nodded. Why would someone want every new member of the New Directions to be here? The answer came with a group of five football players- Luke Pritchett, Dillon Scott, Mark Taylor, Johnny Mohr, and Colin O'Malley came around the corner- holding two slushies each.

"No, no." I got in front of Jonah and held my arms out. "I'll take all of those- but don't slushie Jonah- please- you don't know-" I hadn't finished the sentence when Luke threw his slushies at Sean, Dillon at Caroline, Mark at Moa, Johnny at me- and at last, Colin threw one slushie in Jonah's face, then turned the other one upside down over Jonah's head. I felt the ice and drink burn on my skin and in my eyes- I felt it getting inside my shirt- I heard the other's gasps and moans- then I heard Mr. Schuester's shout from the other side of the hallway, but it didn't matter. It was like I heard all that from the other side of a wall, as I heard the usual wheezing in Jonah's breath takes- I brainstormed- I had never been in this situation before- yes, Jonah needed his meds- but as long as Jonah was soaked in slushie it wouldn't do much good.

**Mr. Schue POV**

I heard Leah shout something and turned my head to see Aiden's little brother- just about to throw a slushie at Jonah- and whatever that would be able to cause- it wasn't going to be good.

"NOOOOOO" I shouted- but too late. Colin threw the slushie- and another at Jonah, I dropped my bag and ran down the hall- and reached Jonah just in time to catch him when he collapsed. I looked to Leah.

"Giving him spray will save some time-" she said. "But we need to get that slushie of him." She pulled out the spray of her pocket, and sprayed it in Jonah's mouth. His breathing slowed down, I scooped him up to carry him into the choir room next doors- to give him some privacy.

"I've got a towel in my locker should I get it?" Sean asked so fast I could barely hear what he was saying. I nodded and Sean sprinted across the hallway. Moa held the door to the choir room open- Jonah's breathing had fastened again. I looked to Leah once Jonah sat on the piano chair.

"We gotta get his shirts of- nothing will change as long as he's soaked in slushie." Sean came running back with a towel, and helped me to pull Sean's T- shirt off.

"He's got some extra clothes in his locker," Leah handed me the spray. "I'll get it." She turned around and wheeled fastly out of the room.

Jonah had scars- worse than any others I'd seen, running from his chest- to his back and back to his chest. More smaller scars on both his chest, stomach and back. I could only guess it was from surgery.

**Leah POV **

Dad came to pick Jonah up. Jonah was exhausted- but as alright as he ever was. I sighed and wheeled to my classroom, on the way there I wheeled past the audiotourium, I heard music- so I wheeled into the room and saw Lex standing there- singing.

_Fire, In your eyes,  
Says it's time to fly,  
Time for me to say goodbye,  
Loosen the ties,  
Though it's sad, i know,  
If you love something let it go,  
Dignified, your a gypsy soul,  
With a spirit that needs to roam,  
full of pride,  
As you walk into the world you call home._

_Be Free,  
Climb over mountains and run through the trees,  
Feeling the breeze,  
Be Free,  
Jump over rivers and sprint down the plains,  
Without any reins,  
Just Go,  
Cause' i know that you need to be wild,  
and free,  
And maybe someday you'll come back._

_Silent and strong,  
Brave and bold,  
But you've got a heart,  
heart of gold._

_Be Free,  
Climb over mountains and run through the trees,  
Feeling the breeze,  
Be Free,  
Jump over rivers and sprint down the plains,  
Without any reins,  
Just go,  
Cause' i know that you need to be wild,  
and free,  
And maybe someday you'll come back,  
To me,  
And maybe someday you'll come back,  
To me,  
And maybe someday you'll come back._

Boy that girl sure had the hell of a voice. I clapped my hands and then wheeled onto the stage.

"That's a great song." I told her. She smiled.

"Yep. I like it."

"You sang it like you knew what you were singing about." I stopped right in front of the red- haired girl. She smiled.

"It's been multiple years since my real sister died- this summer- I kind of- let her go…. Do you get what I sing about when I sing this song?" I nodded.

"Yeah… I'm sorry about your sister… I thought you lived in foster- care by the way- was she your…"

"She was my biological sister- and I'm adopted." I smiled and looked to the floor. She lost her sister? Were I and Lex going to have been through the same in some while- I couldn't help all the questions that started spinning in my head. I thought for several seconds- then Lex spoke up.

"I know… you guys told us- it's going to happen to you too. Listen Leah- when my sister died I thought the world was going to end- but the world has a way of moving on even when you don't do it yourself. So you just… stay on it- and then one day- you will be happy again." I sighed.

"I'm not so sure." I mumbled- but I guessed Lex was right.

"By the way." She said "A couple of months ago some friends of mine were talking about sleepovers- and I suddenly realized I've never had one- so- would you like to come over?" I laughed slightly, mostly because Lex did it herself.

"Sure, I'll just ask my parents about it when I come home today."

**There's a poll about this story on my profile- and as soon as it's finished there will be a new one uploaded. **


	8. Daddy

**IMPORTANT NOTE ON THE BOTTOM. BUT READ CHAPTER FIRST**

**Pools about this story and results  
Pairing name: Jeah  
Signature: There was a tie between "LeahC" and "L.C."… I decided on LeahC as it felt the most…. Leah if you get what I mean.**

**Since I updated last, I've both started a new glee- story, and uploaded a glee- one- shot, if you haven't checked them out, please do so… it makes me happy **

"But da-ad." I moaned.

"Don't but dad me."

"Then why can't I go?"

"Because I say so."

"Not a real answer! If you can't give me a reason then why not let me go?" I wheel after dad when he moves around in the kitchen.

"Leah," he stops and kneels down. "Even though it might seem impossible to you but I've been a teenager myself and I know that sleepover at a friend's, actually means the night when friend's parents are away so that you can sneak out and go to a party." I gave a short laugh.

"Dad… don't you trust me?"

"I trust you but not that Lex. I don't know her, I don't know her parents…." I pulled up a paper from my pocket and reached it to dad.

"If you want to know who Lex and Mr. and Mrs. Hudmel is… call them yourself…" Dad looked on the paper- where I'd written down the numbers to them all three, then he sighed, and seemed to be thinking whether he should say yes or no. "Oh please dad, at least give it a try. Pretty, pretty please." Dad eventually nodded, took the paper and walked into the living room. Ariel came tripping into the room, I lifted her up on my lap and started scratching that very special point behind her head.

Even though Ariel was yet just a puppy- her fur was really, really thick, as I pulled my fingers through the many layers of hair, she licked my face so my chin and cheeks all soaked, I suddenly had an idea about writing a poem about her, and stopped scratching, then she looked up at me and her eyes just begged me to continue, so I did, and the next second- the idea about the poem was long gone.

I wheeled into my room with Ariel on my lap, lifted myself onto the bed, and took a toy for Ariel up from the bedside table, then lifted Ariel onto the bed, then started playing with her, only about fifteen minutes later dad came into the room again. I stopped playing, and looked hopeful up at him, he smiled.

"You may go." I breathed out, and sat up fully and pulled myself towards the foot of the bed. Dad came over and hugged me.

"Thanks dad."

"But… if you're now lying." Dad smirked to let me know he was joking. "If you go to a party…. You'll be grounded, without TV or computer for the rest of your life." I smiled, dad sat down by me, and laid his arm around my shoulders.

"You're growing up princess." One of the thousands of nicknames he'd had on me since I was little. "It's gonna be hard."

"Dad." I laughed. "I've been to sleepovers before, don't you remember that I and Hannah used to have them all the time." Hannah Miller and I had been best friends from kindergarten, all the while through primary and secondary school, then she'd moved to Benton's harbor, thousands of miles away from Lima.

"Yeah I know." Dad sighed. "But it was a whole other thing when you were six then now when your sixteen. I mean… right now you're a sophomore, but it won't be long until you graduate, and then you'll find your prince, move out and then you'll come home one day- and tell me I'm gonna be a grandpa… and I'm going to look at you and ask myself where my little girl went." Dad smiled slightly, I snuggled up tighter towards his chest.

"Dad… I'm always gonna be your little girl, and I may find my prince but you will always be my king." Dad pulled me even closer, Ariel climbed up in my lap too, and I started scratching her tummy. We sat like that for a couple of minutes, then I heard a signal from my computer, I stood up enough to sit down in the chair by the desk.

"Jackie McCall is calling" I pressed to answer the call. "Hi Jack." I greeted my boyfriend who was visible on the screen- he lived in Benton's harbor, and these facebook- video- chats was usually how we kept the contact- between the few times we met- and I hadn't met Jack since the beginning of July- before the accident.

"Hey Leah. Hey Mr. Carmichael." Jack raised in a wave to my dad behind me.

"Hello Jackie… how many times do I need to tell you? You just call me Abram."

"And how many times do I need to tell you? You just call me Jack." I shook my head at the two. They always started with this whenever they met- usually they called each other Abram and Jack- but they had been doing this every time they met- since it was their first conversation when Jack was visiting us for the first time a year ago.

I looked to my dad- he nodded and walked out of the room- closing the door behind him.

"We arrived home late yesterday- I fell asleep in the car that's why I wasn't by the laptop anything in the afternoon."

"Okay… well… happy birthday for yesterday… You'll get the present from me next time I see you…"

"Jack, Jack" jumping in my chair I interrupted. "You will never guess what mum, dad and Jonah gave me for my birthday." I looked around to find Ariel, she laid on the floor between the bed and the wardrobe, chewing on Buddy's ear, a ripping sound was heard.

"…And the present just ripped of Buddy's ear", I pushed the chair slowly towards her, lifted her up in my lap where Jack couldn't see her, and rolled back to the desk. Then I held her in front of the laptop.

"This is Ariel." Jack smiled from ear to ear. Ariel sniffed the laptop- as if she believed Jack was really there, and then licked it, I and Jack laughed.

"Congratulations of having become a dog- owner. What breed is she? She looks like she's going to grow quite big before she's done."

"She's a pyrenear, so yeah, she'll grow huge. Look at him Ariel." I pointed to the screen and Jack. "Who's that… that's Jack, say hi to Jack Ariel." Smiling I looked from Ariel to Jack- but I got more and more nervous- I hadn't told Jack that I was in a wheelchair- I hadn't dared to tell him- what if he'd leave me if I did?

"Listen Jack," I said. "There is something…" I was interrupted, when Jack's little sister was shown on the screen, as she climbed up in Jack's lap.

"Hey Leah." She interrupted me, I smiled, took Ariel's paw in my hand and waved it.

"Hey Megan." I answered. "How are things working out for you?"

"They're going swell." Megan smiled, showing a glug where she should have had her front teeth. "I thought it was your birthday yesterday."

"Yes it was, and here you see what my parents and my brother gave me," I lifted Ariel a little, Megan smiled.

"Megan." Jack lifted his sister down to the floor again. "You gotta leave now, I have to talk to Leah about something."

"Okay. Bye Leah, bye cute little puppy." I laughed at Megan, then she was out of Jack's room. Jack sighed, he seemed serious.

"Leah- I know I said I'd try to get to Lima over Halloween… but something got in the way- my parents are going on this business- trip then- I have to stay here and take care of Megan- and there's just no way we can pay for all the train- tickets. I am so, so, so, sorry but I won't be able to make it." Jack sighed, I did too, and lifted Ariel up in my lap again. "Was it something you wanted to tell by the way?" I thought a split second about telling him about the chair and everything, but then I shook my head.

"No…"

"Leah…"

"Is that mum calling for dinner?" I looked up, as if mum had actually shouted for dinner- which she hadn't. "…Yep… I gotta go. Bye, love you."

"Leah… Le…" I turned the video- chat off before Jack had the time to say anything else. I pushed the desk- chair over to the bed, got onto the bed, and lifted Ariel to lay down next to me. There was a lump in my throat, as tears slowly started dripping from my eyes, my cheeks to the pillow. Ariel seemed to know I didn't want to play right now as she laid down on my pillow, and started licking away the tears from my cheeks, I patted her, sniveled.

"Leah," dad came and opened the door. "dinner's ready."

"I'm not hungry." I answered in a thick voice.

"What's going on?" Dad came and sat down on my bed, laying a hand on my shoulder, I rolled around and sat up.

"Jack won't be able to make it here for Halloween, they can't afford the train- tickets." Dad smiled and pulled me close again.

"There dear. It's okay you'll meet again. We both know the McCall's haven't got too much money- they sometimes need to priority other things. I know it's hard now…. But Christmas will soon be here- and then we're going to Benton Harbor to meet both Jackie and Hannah." I smiled through the tears- we had decided in January that me, mum, dad and Jonah (and Ariel of course) would be going to Michigan for Christmas. I sniveled again, and lifted Ariel up as she was "begging" me to do so, then she licked away the last few tears.

"I love you." I whispered to her, and buried my face in her fur again, dad looked- pretending to be offended to me.

"I love you too dad." I said. He smiled. "By the way… Have you got any old banana cartons anywhere?"

"No…. but moving boxes I think we should have some left, what for?"

"I gotta remove the stuffed dogs from here, before Ariel breaks all of them, she's already chewed of Buddy's ear." Dad chuckled.

"I'll help you with that…. But first we gotta eat dinner, come on Tiger." He stood up and lifted me into the wheelchair, then I wheeled towards the kitchen to eat dinner.

**Okay… oh yeah, that was what I was gonna tell. I've got ideas for several of the bigger happenings in this, the thing is, I've got almost no ideas for what will happen in between them, I've got ideas for "next week" then I've got nothing until Christmas, so if you have any ideas please PM me or leave them in a review. **

**I've got an idea about one thing I could do- and probably am going to do. In Secrets revealed it's all about Lex, we know that. I was thinking to more "weave in" parts of the other glee- clubbers lives and stories in this. How does that sound? **


	9. Brothers

**Aiden POV **

Mr. Schue had told me what happened, and I knew Colin was home when I came home after basket- ball- practice, I ignored my parents' and my big brother Eric's greetings as I stormed off to Colin's room and knocked the door, one time, two times, at last, at the third, Colin rip the door open.

"What?" He asked rudely, I just glared at him and stepped inside his room, and close the door after me.

"You slushied Jonah Carmichael." It wasn't even a question- I knew he did it. Colin just turned around and started riffling in some old magazines laying on his desk. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

"Yeah so what?" He asked me rudely.

"So what, so what is that you could have killed him."

"Yeah right." Colin just snorted. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him, and between my teeth I fizzled to him.

"If you or one of your friends ever slushie Jonah Carmichael again. I will personally make sure you are all expelled from McKinley, you could have killed that guy today."

"Slushies don't kill."

"If your heart is already crashing, and an attack can be triggered by cold, it can. So I don't want you anywhere near that guy ever again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"What's going on?" Our dad came into the room, he forced me to let go of Colin. Colin was just glaring at me- but hopefully he had understood that I wasn't joking, as I stomped out of the room.

**Leah POV **

At Friday it was yet again time for rehab, coach Beiste and Mr. Schue were still coming along, instead of my parents. I was able to hold on to the rails and lift myself up from the chair, that's what I did today, I was determined that today would be the day that I walked this whole line without stumbling or falling once.

Holding steady onto the rails, I took one short step, then another, then another.

"Leah…" Mr. Schue began, I guessed that he as smiling, but I didn't dare to turn my head as I was pretty sure I was gonna fall if I did.

I made it all the way on the line. Lionel clapped for me. And I- well I was just smiling from ear to ear.

I managed to go back and forth a few times before we were done for today, afterwards coach Beiste helped me to get down in the chair again.

"So what you're doing this weekend?" Mr. Schue asked when he was driving me home.

"Ehrm… I'm actually going to sleep over at Lex's tonight… and then… well I don't know, video- chat with my boyfriend and playing with Ariel I guess. What about you?"

"No much actually. And we're here." Mr. Schue pulled over at the driveway in front of my house and got out of the car to lift out my chair from the back. "Well, have a good weekend and have fun at Lex's."

"I will, have a good weekend Mr. Schue." I wheeled down the driveway when Ariel came running from the house.

"Hey Ari." I greeted and lifted her up. "Hello Ariel, hi baby, hi." I cuddled while she started licking my face.

"Which time were you going to the Hudmel's?"

"Ehrm," I looked at my wrist- watch. "In forty five minutes so… I'm just gonna go pack a bag then." I wheeled into the house, Ariel still on my lap, she was coming with me to the Hudmel's today. I got my backpack, and packed what I needed in it, and then I laid down on my bed, scratching Ariel until it was time to go.

I looked around my room- when this house was built it had probably been meant to be for a three- person- family, it had two bedrooms, one mum's and dad's, the other Jonah's. My bedroom had been some kind of walk- in- closet until I was little. It was small, with a desk, a wardrobe, a bed and a bedside table I could barely wheel through it. I didn't mind though- when I was younger I had sometimes been really mad about my small bedroom, now I didn't mind anymore. Though it looked so much bigger now when I had taken away so much stuff so Ariel wouldn't chew on it.

I knew mum and dad had at first been planning on giving me away. They'd never tried to keep it a secret- and I couldn't blame them- as for the moment when I was born- they had a toddler they could be losing any time. But either way- of course I was happy that I had gotten to stay here. I loved my family more than anything else, and would never want to switch.

"Leigh?" Ugh, dad knew that I hated that nickname. "I think it's time for you to leave." I looked to my watch again, yep- it was twenty minutes until I was meant to be at the Hudmel's house- if I was able to walk it would take about eight to ten minutes to get there, but during the circumstances it would take a bit longer.

I hang the leash onto Ariel's collar, hung my backpack on the back of the chair and wheeled out from my room.

"Call tonight before you go to bed." I heard as I was taking my coat down from the hook in the hallway.

"Yes mum."

"No parties."

"No dad."

"See you tomorrow."

"Of course Jonah. Bye."

"Bye." I heard three different voices as I wheeled out of the house, and then down the road. I hit the first hard part when I realized the Hudmel's had porch steps, I couldn't get up on it with the chair, I couldn't step out of it, then I'd probably fall and hit my head in the door or something. A man- Mr. Hudmel I guessed came into the kitchen which I could see through the windows, I tried waving and shouting, but he didn't see nor hear as he walked out of my sight. I sighed, then wheeled over to the actual window and knocked it. After just a couple seconds Lex was shown in the door to the kitchen, then she disappeared again and came out.

"Hey." I wheeled over to in front of the porch steps again. **(A/N, porch steps is the word right?) **"There is no way I'm getting up there myself, and I doubt that you can help me cause you're like half my length." I smirked so she'd know I was joking.

"DAD." She turned her head towards the door again, and shouted for Mr. Hudmel. The man that had been in the kitchen earlier appeared with a women with brown hair.

"Hey Mr. Hudmel, Mrs. Hudmel, now, there is no way I'll get up the steps on my own, so… am I just gonna stay out here tonight or…" I was actually really nervous about meting these two, that was why I was joking. Dad had told me that with a bit of humor almost anyone would like you. So at least I was trying my best. They laughed, and chuckling Mr. Hudmel stepped down, and scooped me up, as Mrs. Hudmel and Lex lifted up the chair.

"Thanks Mister." I said as Mr. Hudmel put me down in the chair again.

"Please call me Burt kiddo." He shook my hand.

"Leah."

"I'm Carole." Mrs. Hudmel said.

"Leah."

"We were just ordering pizza." Carole said. "Any particular favorites?"

"Nah, nothing special. I can go with anything. May I let her go?" I asked about Ariel.

"Yes of course." Carole answered me, I leaned down and loosened the leash from her collar, Ariel immediately ran over to the other three, where she circulated around them as they all had kneeled down to pat her.

After some while, I lifted myself onto the sofa, Ariel came running and I patted her- I combed my fingers through the layers of thick, white fur. That's when that poem came to me again, I stopped my scratching, I stopped scratching, Ariel looked to me with her brown eyes and begged me to keep on scratching, I wanted to, but I had to stop and write down the poem while I remembered it, as I pulled out a notebook and a pen from my backpack and opened to an empty page.

_My fingers running through  
Layers and layers of thick, soft fur  
A wet tongue licking my face  
Getting my cheeks all soaked  
Four feet tapping over the floor  
The claws making tapping noises  
over the wooden floor  
A whipping tale  
Two brown eyes  
Telling me  
to keep on scratching_

_You are mine  
All mine  
I love you  
My Ariel _

**So, this chapter actually was gonna follow through the whole sleepover, but I don't really have an idea for it, so it will come into the next instead**

**The poem is called "Ariel" and it was the first poem I wrote for this story.**

**I've uploaded yet another one- shot called "daddy" please read it : ) **_  
_


	10. Over his dead body

**Before we start… I'm just going to say thank you and give a shoutout to localXmusicXjellybeanX for being my Beta. You rock my friend**

**I sat on a boring lesson on Thursday, and I had tons of ideas, I've also had a couple of great ones **

"What are you writing?" Burt asked, when I sat and read through the new poem for like the fifth time.

"Poem." I held the notebook so he couldn't read what it said. "About Ariel."

"May I read it?" Lex came over.

"Nope." I shook my head. She tried to sneak but I still noticed when she tried to do it.

"Ey." I moved and accidently tossed myself too far- which caused me to fall of the sofa, of course hitting my head in the coffee table on the way down.

"Ow." I mumbled, and stroke my face, next to my eye. Before I had the time to even try to get up in the sofa again, Carole had kneeled down and all three were looking worriedly at me.

"Guys… I'm fine okay." I stroke my head, next to my eye.

"Let me see." Carole reached her hand towards me, grabbed my chin and forced me to move my head so she could look at it. I'd guess she worked in the welfare **(A/N: Don't know if that's the word- google translate) **Or… well, Lex had told me Carole and Burt had each son- maybe Carole had seen quite a lot of these when hers grew up….

"I'm fine." I said again. Carole leaned back again.

"I'll go see if I can find some ice to keep it from swelling." She stood up and walked out in the kitchen. Suddenly Ariel came running over to me and started licking my face. I giggled.

"Hey…" I pushed her away, then looked up to Burt and Lex. "If it's not too much to ask for I could use some help to get up again." Burt smiled, and came and helped me to sit in the sofa again, just as Carole came back into the room with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel. I held it to my face and then smirked at Lex.

"Now do you get why I don't show people my poems?"

"If stuff like that happens every time you do… yes I do." Lex sat down in the sofa on the opposite side of the table from me. "Though I highly doubt it does so… why can't anyone read your poems?"

"Someone's being sneaky." I said, looked down to Ariel and kept on scratching behind her ears. "I was writing poems as soon as I was able to spell at all. I kept them all in a notebook and in third grade a gang of boys at my school found it. I had been writing tons of poems for this boy named Mick… and those and every other poem spread out over the whole school. You wouldn't believe the nasty stuff some of the people said about them." I drew a deep breath. "Mick was…. The one telling me the worse things. I had never been much for showing people my poems… mostly because I wanted to keep the stuff I wrote about to myself… but since that happened Jonah's the only one who's ever getting to read my poems. He knows all my secrets anyways, so… it's not like it comes as any surprises for him… and even if they're rubbish- with most- every single one of them are- he'll find something good in them."

"I'm sure they're actually really good." Burt told me. I looked around, trying to find something to change subject with. Some pictures on the bench next to me caught my eyes.

"Who are they?" I pointed to the photos. One with a boy with dark- brown hair, with another boy with black hair, another boy, looking very tall and muscular next to a girl that seemed to be about half his size, then a picture of Burt and Carole, and one picture with Lex, Burt and Carole, the brown- haired boy and the tall one.

"That's my son Kurt." Burt pointed to the brown- haired boy. "With his boyfriend Blaine, that third boy is Carole's son Finn, and his girlfriend Rebeccah." I nodded.

"Finn?" I thought out loud. "Nice name." Carole smiled.

"I've been hearing the opposite quite a lot since I named him."

"Really? I think it's pretty."

"That's a nice change for once." I suddenly remembered something and spoke up again.

"Speaking about names… well, I'm born at THE nine eleven, and I've got a cousin with the initials W.T.C." Lex snorted with laughter. "It's not funny."

"Yes it is." I shook my head.

"What's his or her name then?"

"Wilson Tucker Carmichael."

"Carmichael… are you related to An…" I knew who he meant. Andrea Carmichael, local news- reporter at the local station.

"Yep…" I interrupted. "She's my aunt… dad's big sister." There was a knock on the door as the pizzas came. Lex stood up and walked out in the hallway to get them. We were talking a bit more, watched a movie or three, Burt and Carole left the room just after dinner, then, just before midnight I laid in an extra bed in Lex's room. Ariel laid sleeping below the bed, and I was pulling my fingers through her fur over and over again as I was talking with Lex.

"So you haven't told your boyfriend about the accident?" She asked me when I had told her about Jack, I shrugged.

"He knows about the accident, he knows I was hit by a car, he knows I was in hospital for quite some time, but he doesn't know I'm in a wheelchair… without getting the question why I turned my head to look at the red haired teenager. "What if he'll leave me when he knows?"

"If he does he's a jerk, and he's not worth you." I laughed.

"Yeah I guess." I laid my head down on the pillow. "It will show soon I guess… I'll have to tell him sooner or later." I wanted to change the subject and took the first I was thinking about. "Lex… you're adopted…"

"Yep."

"… Do you know that mum and dad were actually going to give me away for adoption when I was born?"

"No I didn't know that."

"That's where my first middle name comes from, the folks that were gonna adopt me were going to name me Sophia."

"Do you know them?" I nodded.

"Yep, I meet them a bit now and then."

"Your first middle name? You've got more names?"

"My full name's Leah Sophia Marilla. Mum and dad gave Jonah some different name- options, he chose Leah. Marilla is my grandmother's name." Lex nodded.

"Me and my biological brother and sister have all got kind of long first names, then we're named after the doctor that was there when mum gave birth to us, and then after the weather we were born in.

"The weather… so have you got a sister named Wind or something?" Lex laughed.

"No, but Maddie's full name was Madelyn Nicole Sunshine, Zeb's full name is Zebastian Nicholas Ralston…"

"And yours?"

"Alexandria Cara Snow." I nodded. "I was actually named after mum… long story."

"How did you meet Carole and Burt by the way?" I asked. "I mean… you don't have to answer if you don't want to..."

"It's fine. My father Brian's an alcoholic, my mother Katheryn left years ago, last year when I still lived with Brian I joined the glee- club, to make a long story short…. Mr. Schue realized what was happening to me, I moved in with him, and then I wanted to learn how to knit because I had this ten things I wanna do when I get away from my dad list. And Mr. Schue can't knit, so he took me to someone who could… Carole… and then Carole and Burt let me live at theirs… and then they adopted me." I nodded. "Changing the subject again… what is Jonah's full name?"

"Jonah Eric Nathaniel…" I yawned, and was having quite some trouble keeping my eyes open. "Good night."

"Night." I turned around in the bed and pulled the quilt up to my chin. Lex didn't seem to have any problems talking about her sister- was that how I was going to be seven years after Jonah would die? Because it didn't matter how much I tried not to think about it- or how much I wished it wouldn't happen. It was soon to happen, and there was no way to stop it.

**Sunday afternoon, Sean POV **

Curtis- my little brother's father and mum's boyfriend had asked me to come with the others to Breadstix for Sunday dinner today. Who knows why? He usually didn't give a damn about me. But not that I complained- even though I'd rather be with Teddy in the stables now than here.

"So… time for what I asked you all to be here today for…" Curtis stood up, and walked over so he stood next to my mum.

"Eliza." He began- my mother's name. "I love you with all of my heart, and I love that I can spend my life with you… our son… and of course your son too." Curtis' eyes were cold as ice when he looked to me. "That is why I want to make it official." He pulled out a small box from his pocket. Oh no, oh no, oh nono, let this be a dream- a freaking nightmare. "Eliza Angelika Moraiety…. Would you like to… become a Leigh… and marry me?" Curtis sat down on one knee, mum gasped, and tears were rising in her eyes.

"Yes… yes I would love to marry you." I stood up as Curtis was pulling the ring onto mum's finger.

"Sean?" Mum asked. "Was there something you would like to say?"

"Over my dead body." I fizzled between my teeth. Gordon stood up and clung onto my leg.

"What do you mean Sean?" He panicked. "Please don't die, please don't let him day mummy." I kicked Gordon away from me and stormed out of the restaurant with everyone's eyes on me.

"Sean honey?" I heard mum shout, but I just continued pulling my coat on while walking. As I also heard Gordon shout that I had kicked him in the stomach, mixed with the fact that he didn't want me to die.

When I came outside I started running, it was raining and it was getting darker. But I just continued running, through the trees even though branches were ripping the fabric of my shirt and later also cutting the skin on my arms and face, at last I ran up on the driveway to the stable where I had my Teddy. I walked into the pasture, sat down and leaned against the stable- wall, Teddy came running over, he started blowing warm air on me, I had pulled out my wallet and looked at the photos I had in it. The biggest one a photo of my dad and me when I was two, and was horse- riding for the first time.

"Dad… I need you so bad… please come back… just come back." I laid one arm around Teddy's neck and buried my face in his warm fur. He rested his head on my shoulder as I sobbed as if my heart was breaking.

**Awww, poor Sean… Sean is a character I really look forward to working with in this. He's… interesting. **

**Preview for the next chapter**

"**We have one more person who's being a part of the New Directions this year…" Mr. Schue said. "And his name is…" **

**I have made a video describing how to pronounce some of the names in this- mostly the Swedish ones. You've got the link on my profile **


	11. In my heart

**Leah POV **

I sat by the living room table at the Hudmel house early afternoon at Sunday when my phone started ringing "ICE DAD" read over my screen and I caught it and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey dad."

"Hey Leah… listen… Jonah's okay now but we're in the hospital."

"What?"

"It got pretty bad tonight, but we can leave in another hour or two and Jonah's fine. We thought we'd come and just pick you up on our way home."

"Okay then… I'll tell the others that."

"I gotta go now, love you, bye."

"Bye dad." I sighed as I hung up. "Jonah's in hospital." I told the others. "He's okay, he's okay, but it was getting pretty bad tonight. Don't worry this happens every once in a while. They are all the hospital, leaving in an hour or two, they'll pick me up when they're going home." I was just checking my facebook when the screen started blinking and again the text "Jackie McCall is calling" was shown, I pressed to take the call.

"Hey Jack." I said when my blonde boyfriend was shown on the screen.

"Hey Leah." He answered me. "Ehrm… where are you? I don't recognize that wall behind you!"

"I'm at a friends' Ehrm… well…." I held up the camera so Jack would see them. "That's my friend Lex, and her parents Burt and Carole." They waved to Jack.

"Hiya, I'm Jackie, or Jack as most people call me. Leah's boyfriend." He smiled his goofy smile, which I loved.

"Hey Leah." I heard the voice of Megan and I turned the phone back so I could see her and Jack. "Ow… what happened to your face." I stroke the bruise hitting the table yesterday had given me.

"Ehrm… I fought with a monster… the monster's name was table, and I didn't really fight… just fell right into it." Megan laughed at my story. "Megan… I need to talk to Jack on my own for a minute…"

"AGAIN?" Megan frowned.

"Aw, I'm sorry Meggie." I felt bad for making her go like that, she pouted with her lower lip, climbed down from Jack's lap and disappeared out of my sight. "Aw, I hate doing that to her." I said, mostly to save some time. I already was nervous about telling Jack about the aftermaths of the accident.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "What was it you wanted to say?"

"Ehrm," I scratched my neck nervously. "I… I… you know…"

"You aren't breaking up with me are you?" Jack asked worriedly. I shook my head.

"No… no… of course not… I… I gotta go… I'll tell you another time. Love you, bye." I turned the video- chat off before Jack had the time to protest. Then I laid down towards the table and hit my forehead in the table over and over.

"I'm so stupid."

"Stop that." Lex interrupted my hitting- the- head- in- the- table- until- I- am- brave- enough- to- tell- Jack- plan. "You aren't stupid. You just… gather a bit of… strength… or something."

"Gather a bit of strength?"

**Sean POV **

I kept my face buried in Teddy's brown fur as I hear a car pull up in front of the stables. Then I hear someone get out of the car and steps getting closer to me. I look up to meet mum's brown eyes, and then turned around to lean against Teddy again. I heard mum come and sit next to me and then felt her hand on my shoulder blade. As she reached for the photo I held in my hand.

"I just miss him mum" I said in a thick voice. She stroke my back.

"I know Seanie, I do too." She told me in a calm voice. "But sometimes you just need to… let go and move on. And I marrying Curtis doesn't mean I've forgotten about your dad."

"I know." I almost whispered. "I just…"

"I know you and Curtis haven't been getting along too well."

"Mum…" I exclaimed. "I know I'm nineteen nearly twenty and so… what if Curtis wants me to move out and get my own place." I looked up at mum, she smiled softly at me and laid her arm around my shoulders. I leaned against her shoulder.

"Well in that case that isn't Curtis' decision to make. If you want to stay then you can stay… and whatever he says it's always going to be your decision and I am always going to want you to stay." Mum stroke my arm. "It feels like it was yesterday you were Gordon's age." I smiled.

"Speaking about Gordon… is he alright?"

"Yeah, just a bruise… but Sean… can you please do your best to try to make this work… For me… please." She knew that I'd do anything for her.

"…"

"For me… and for… your new little brother or sister." Mum stroke her stomach, my chin dropped to the ground while I started putting the pieces together, one to one.

"A- are you…?"

"Yes." Mum smiled, and her eyes were shining. "And you know that it doesn't matter if I so have twenty four children and thirteen husbands, you will always be the one that means the most to me- Sean Michael Moraiety Junior." I pulled my fingers through my afro.

"D- does Curtis…?" Mum shook her head.

"No… you are the first one except for myself that knows… and before you ask, no I don't know the exact due- date, but probably somewhere middle, end of May."

"It would have been enough with for you mama. You know I'd walk through hell and back if I had to for you."

"I know." Mum smiled at me again. "Does that mean you will try?" I sighed.

"I promise I will try mama. I promise… for you, for Gordon and for little…" I tried to come up with something good to call it. "… whatever his or her name will be." I leaned against mum again, she was pulling her fingers through my hair.

"I love you mama." I told her.

"I love you too Seanie, all the way to the stars, eight laps around and back again."

**Leah POV **

On Monday afternoon Mr. Schue had sent out text- messages to all the New Directions for an extra meeting. When I and Jonah came there we were the last one there.

"Sorry we're late." I said as I wheeled over the floor in the choir room.

"Ouch…" I heard from the group- it came from Sean. "What happened to your eye?"

"I had a fight with a table… table won." Sean smirked, as I wheeled into my spot, and Jonah sat down next to me.

"As I said," Mr. Schue began. "We're getting yet another New Directioner this year. He came into my office earlier today, asked to join and sang… he's a very talented singer so I want you all to welcome Rafaél Gerardo." Mr. Schue gestured towards the open door, as a tall boy with a Hispanic **(A/N: I think that's the word) **appearance came through it.

"Hey everyone." Rafaél exclaimed. "Well… as Mr. Schuester just said my name is Rafaél… I'm in my Junior year, seventeen years old. And I joined the New Directions because I love singing and dancing. I'm not a very good dancer though. But… I do my best."

"Can we hear you sing?" Amy asked.

"Sure Amy… ehrm well." He laid some twist folders he had been holding at the piano, and started snapping his fingers to a rhythm.

_Do you hear me? I'm talking to you  
Across the water across the deep blue ocean  
Under the open sky, oh my, oh baby I'm trying_

_Boy I hear you in my dreams  
I hear your whisper across the sea  
I keep you with me in my heart  
You make it easier when the life gets hard_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again  
Ooh ooh ooh_

_They don't know how long it takes,  
Waiting for a love like this  
Every time we say goodbye  
I wish we had one more kiss  
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again_

_Lucky we're in love in every way  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday_

_And so I'm sailing through the sea  
To an island where we'll meet  
You'll hear the music fill the air  
I put a flower in your hair_

_Though the breezes through the trees  
Move so pretty you're all I see  
As the world keeps spinning 'round  
You hold me here, right here, right now_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again_

_I'm lucky we will love in every way  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday_

_Ooh ooh ooh  
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh_

We clapped when Rafaél had finished his performance. I smiled and when I heard something outside the room I turned my head to see a blonde boy I easily recognized.

"Jack?"

**Dun, dun, dun duuuuuuuun. **

**Awwwwwww. Sean is so sweet with his mum don't you think? **

**Oh, and when Abram called Leah her phone said "Ice dad" it… well… in case you don't know what that "ice" is for, it is for "in case for emergency" or something like that… and it is in case you for example has to be picked up in an ambulance. The paramedics are trying to know who to call and searching for your phone, in case they find an "ice" number in the contact list they know it's that number they should call if you're hurt… I hope you get it. **


	12. Ask me if I love him

**I've had to make Sean yet a year older to suit some storylines, he's twenty, going on twenty one, why he's still in High school will come in… a while. Not so sure when but it will come up**

**Forgot to write it in the last chap but the song Rafaél sung was "lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat **

"Leah!" Jack breathed and came walking into the choir room. He looked from me and down and I knew he was looking at the wheelchair.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Jack. I…" I began trying to find a good way to explain. "I… I just couldn't… and… then it just got harder and… you're not gonna break up with me are you?" Jack stroke his chin, oh no, oh no, oh no. I bet he was going to break up with me. With just a few steps he walked across the floor and kneeled down in front of me, taking my hands.

"Leah," Jack exclaimed. "What is it with I love you that you don't understand. I love you… it doesn't matter if you are in a wheelchair, or…" Jack seemed to brainstorm. "Or… winning American idol or… in a coma for years… I still love you…. And just admit it… breaking up with you for this would make me a complete jerk." I laughed and bent forward to kiss my boyfriend. I laid my arms around his shoulders- even though, to sit like this-Jack had to keep in a very uncomfortable position.

"I love you." My words were barely more than a whisper as I rested my chin against Jack's shoulder. "By the way Jack… what are you doing here?"

"I was worried after we talked yesterday. And dad has a job to do here, he was going to send one of his co- workers but I managed to convince him that he could go and I could come along." Jack leaned further back and stood up again. "So this is the glee- club or…?" He looked around. "Ehrm… well… I'm Jackie McCall, but… everyone calls me Jack. Ehrm… sir?" Jack walked over to Mr. Schue. "If you don't mind… I would like to sing something."

"Of course… and please… call me Mr. Schue."

"Sure… Mr. Schue." Jack pulled up a twist folder of his backpack, and pulled out a couple of papers from it. He placed it at the piano and sat down, placed his hands at the notes and hit a few of them.

"First." He exclaimed. "Every time I sing… Carrickfergus we can just pretend I sing Lima. Just like I do, when I sing this at home and… I think of and wish a very special girl." He looked to me, there were spread Awwwww's in the room. I just smiled- my boyfriend had to be the sweetest boyfriend ever, I thought as Jack started playing and singing.

_I wish I was in Carrickfergus  
where she is waiting, my rainbow's end  
I would swim over the deepest ocean  
just to see her sweet smile again_

_but the sea is wide and I cannot get over  
nor have I the wings to fly  
I wish I knew a friendly boatman  
to ferry me back to my sweetheart's side_

_I close my eyes and I remember  
the fields of green and flowers gold  
where we would walk in sunlit meadows  
how my heart's longing to be back home_

_but the sea is wide and I cannot get over  
nor have I the wings to fly  
so I'll just dream of Carrickfergus  
and the day I said goodbye  
now and forever my love and I_

_so I'll just dream of Carrickfergus  
and the day I said goodbye  
now and forever my love and I._

"What a voice… What. A. voice!" Mr. Schue stood up and clapped. "Oh and further on… this week's assignment is something I do as a week every once in a while… I want you all…. To do songs about how you feel or think… at the moment. Just like Jackie here did." Mr. Schue clapped Jack's shoulder.

**Amy POV **

"So you finally decided to join the glee club?" I asked Rafaél as we walked out of the choir room. I had lost count of how long I had been nagging him about joining New Directions.

"Yeah… I mean… it's not like you nagged me to do it… except for… last week… and last month… whole last year…" Rafaél answered, in his light Spanish accent, as he threw his head backwards to get the fringe out of his eyes and peered and smirked in that way that made me feel weak in the knees.

"So how d'you feel about it then? Feel like you made the right decision to let the world know you're a singer?" Rafaél smirked again, he'd told me that I, his mum and Adelina was the only three that had ever heard him sing before today, and that before two years ago when Adelina was born, I was the only one since I had heard him sing in Kindergarten.

"Well… I like it… but what others think about it it's up to each and every one of themselves." I nodded, as I pulled my coat out from my locker and together I and Rafaél headed towards Miss Michaels' day- care, where both my four year old brother Alex, and Rafaél's sister Adelina- almost three spent their days, as Connor Atkins came catching up with us.

"Hey guys," he said slowing down to our pace. "Are you headed for Miss Michaels´?"

"Yeah." I answered. "Oliver's there too right?"

"Yes…. Ehrm…" he turned to Rafaél and held out his hand. "Connor by the way. Connor Atkins."

"Rafaél Gerardo." They shook hands, and something I hadn't seen before appeared in Rafaél's eyes, though it was gone before I had the chance to look again- or find out what it was, as we three during chattering walked down the road to Miss Michaels'

"Hello." A care- worker at the day- care came and greeted us by the door- I hadn't met him before so I guessed he was just stand- in for someone else. "Are you here to get someone?"

"Yep, I'm here to…" Rafaél began before a dark- haired girl came running out in the hallway.

"Ralfie." She shouted, Rafaél kneeled down so he could hug her in her height.

"Hola el Corazon." Rafaél greeted his sister in Spanish, he continued talking, but the greeting was all I had understood, I turned to the man, Connor had turned to- as every afternoon find Oliver- wherever he was hiding this time.

"I'm here to get Alex Clance." I told the man, just as Alex came walking through the door.

"Hey Amy." He sat down, I kneeled down too to help him put his shoes on, before I took Alex' hand and Rafaél took Adelina's and we started walking towards our street- Connor and Oliver lived in the other direction from the day- care.

"Rafaél." Adelina suddenly exclaimed. "Alex kissed me today."

"I did not." Alex answered, but at the tone in his voice- I knew Adelina was telling the truth.

"You did!"

"Did not!"

"You did!"

"Well that doesn't matter 'cause we're home now. I opened the wood- gate we had at our driveway to keep the smaller children- like Alex to get out on the road.

"I did not kiss her." Alex said when I'd helped him slip out of his shoes and jacket, then he walked away, I walked out in the garden again and watched Rafaél and Adelina walk down the road.

I had been best friends with Rafaél since kindergarten, but last month I started feeling more for him. I felt as if we could be more than just friends, though I was too scared to admit it, if he didn't feel the same, I was too afraid it would ruin our friendship- I thought as I started humming on a refrain I knew suited my thoughts right now.

_Yes I could tell you  
his favorite color's green  
he loves to argue  
born on the seventeenth _

_His sister's beautiful  
He has his father's eyes  
And if you asked me if I love him  
I'd lie _

**Leah POV **

Jack came with me to the rehab, he lifted me up, and then wrapped his arms around me from back and told me to walk- and I could tell even with my face towards the room, I could tell he was smirking, as everything that was holing me up was Jack's arms. Lionel shook his head at us, as I took one step, then another, all the while with Jack following close behind me. At last, at the end of the room, Jack turned me towards him.

"I love you… you know that right." Jack smiled.

"Not as much as I love you." I kissed him. None of us noticed five- year old Ryan who came through the door with his mum. I knew he had rehab to learn to walk with a prosthetic leg.

"Ey guys." I heard Lionel's voice. "You'll have to do that somewhere else. There are children in here." I stared laughing, so did Jack as I felt him shaking when I leaned my head against his chest.

**So… that'll have to be this for this time. The song that Jack is playing is Carrickfergus, I don't know who did the original, but I only listen to it with Declan Galbraith- listen to it guys- it's A- MAZ- ING, then Amy's humming on I'd lie by Taylor Swift, and I thought it would be fun to share my version of that song**

**Yes I could tell you  
his favorite color's blue  
he loves to argue  
born on the twentieth**

**His sister's… a bit weird  
And he's got dark- blue eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him  
I say "of course-  
He's my brother" **

**Well, well, well… I'm quite happy with this chapter… awww. Adelina… and if someone wonders… NO, I don't speak Spanish… I learned two new Spanish words just writing this chapter. **


	13. I'm still standing

**There has been a lot to do in school these last few days, as we're drawing close to Christmas holidays and end of courses. That's why my updates have been so slow, I hope you can live with that if I say I have got loads of ideas for this, and they are great. **

"So what are you thinking about doing for this week's glee?" Jack asked me while I wheeled home with him walking next to me. I shrugged.

"I actually have no idea, but I talked to Mr. Schue and he told me not to plan anything because he's planning something for me…. He didn't say what though."

**Mr. Schue POV **

I pulled up my phone leaning back in the arm- chair in my and Emma's living room, then I dialed the number of a boy I hadn't talked to for God knows how long. A few signals went by and I was just about to hang up when the phone clicked and a voice was heard in the other end.

"Arthur Abrams, how can I help you?"

"Hey Arthur Abrams this is William Schuester" I joked, it seemed like Artie had let go of his school- nickname.

"Mr. Schue?"

"Hey Artie… listen I would like to ask you for a favor but I know that you're busy…"

"No, no, what did you want?"

"Remember that number of I'm still standing you did with Quinn… is there a chance you can come to McKinley this week?"

**Sean POV **

I groaned and turned my head when I woke up on Tuesday morning, ugh, it was barely half past four, not even I- even though I was awake earlier than most other because I had to get to the stables and take care of Teddy before I went off to school- should be awake by now. I turned around and closed my eyes when I heard what had woken me up. My bedroom was the only bedroom on the ground- floor, therefore the closest one to the bathroom- from which there came the sound of someone- mama- retching. I pushed myself up in sitting position even though my whole body protested to get up in this unhuman hour. I grabbed the hoodie from yesterday and pulled it over my head while rushing towards the bathroom.

"Mama?" I pulled the door to the bathroom open and walked in. Mama sat on her knees in front of the bowl. I grabbed a hairband from a shelf and pulled her hair into a knot.

"It's just morning sickness." Mama said and leaned a bit back. "You can go back to bed Sean." I shook my head.

"No I am staying." Just as I had told her that, the bathroom door open and Curtis leaned in through the door.

"Eliza… you okay." Mama nodded.

"Yes Curtis… I'm sure it's just something I ate… you can go back to bed." Curtis nodded and closed the door, I heard his heavy steps walking through the living room, up the stairs and when I heard the door to mama's and Curtis' bedroom close, I turned to mama again.

"You haven't told him yet?" Mama shook her head, then raised again and leaned against me looking up at me with tired eyes.

"Seanie? I have an appointment this Tuesday… you know how I feel about going to the doctor…." I nodded. "But I don't want to tell Curtis and Gordon just yet… couldn't you come with me? It's at four P.M." I sighed. "Please Seanie?"

"I have glee club mama…" She looked at me with puppy- eyes, oh screw glee- club. "Okay… I'll come with you. You know I can't say no when you're looking at me like that." Mama chuckled- she knew. "Want some water?" I loosened myself from mum, grabbed her cup from the shelf and turned the crane on. "Just a random question." I handed her the cup. "Did you have much morning sickness when you were pregnant with me?" Mum chuckled again.

"You think? I think I had morning, forenoon, noon, afternoon, evening and night sickness all together." I laughed. "You should have seen your dad then." My smile faded. Mama lifted her hand pulled it through my black uncontrollable curls.

"You are so much like him." I nodded.

"I know mama, you've told me… a couple times. " She must have told me at least a million times, plus I could see myself in the photos and the video- tapes and DVD:s we had of him.

"Feeling any better?" Mama nodded, I stood up myself and helped her to stand up. After making sure mama was actually feeling better, I went back to my room and laid down, but instead of falling asleep again, I opened up the computer, and with a DVD of me and dad in it I laid down and watched the DVD with earplugs so no one else would wake up from the sound.

"_DAD." Four year old me screeched up in a jungle- gym. "DAD look how high I am." Four year old me jumped as my dad walked into the picture and looked up to where I stood. _

"_Yeah, wow Seanie, you're so high you're even taller than me." _I smiled with tears in my eyes. _Dad reached his hands up towards me and lifted me up and down from the gym, I screeched when tickled me. _

I looked down at the date and time for this video.

_2001/09/10 12:38 _

By the time this was shot, we had no idea that my dad would have less than twenty four hours left to live.

**Leah POV **

"Hey." I heard a male voice behind me when I was reaching into my locker the next morning. I looked up to see someone I didn't recognize- he had nerd- glasses and brown hair- and he was in a wheelchair. "Are you Leah Carmichael?"

"Yes…" I answered him insecure. Who was this man? What did he want and how did he know my name?

"Mr. Schue asked me to come here and do a number for today's glee- club- rehearsal. Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you who I am. My name is Arthur Abrams, but you can call me Artie. I was a part of the original New Directions…" It clicked in my head- this was what Mr. Schue had been planning… what now?

"I am going to spend my day here at McKinley greeting some of my od teachers and so, but I would be grateful if you would meet me and Mr. Schue in the audiotourium at two and we can tell you about what we have thought about." I hesitated.

"Okay." I said at last. "I'll do it."

"Who are you?" Jack caught up, he was supporting Jonah- who was still quite weak after an attack.

"I'm Artie Abrams… so… see you later Leah." Artie wheeled away, I just shrugged to the confused glare Jack sent me and then wheeled away for my first lesson while Jack was helping Jonah to get to his.

"So are you ready?" Artie asked me when we had wheeled up to the middle of the floor in the choir room- in front of all the New Directions. I gave him a nod and then the music started.

**(Leah)**  
You could never know what it's like  
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice  
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you  
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

**(Artie) **  
And did you think this fool could never win  
Well look at me, I'm coming back again  
I got a taste of love in a simple way  
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

**(Leah and Artie)**  
_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did  
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid  
I'm still standing after all this time  
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind_

_I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah_

**(Leah)**  
_Once I never could hope to win  
You starting down the road leaving me again_

**(Artie)**  
_The threats you made were meant to cut me down  
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now_

**(Leah and Artie)**  
_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did  
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid  
I'm still standing after all this time  
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind_

_I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah_

_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did  
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid  
I'm still standing after all this time  
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind_

_I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah  
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah_

"Yeah…." Mr. Schue exclaimed while they were clapping for our number. "What an energy guys…" I and Artie high- fived as Teeghan interrupted Mr. Schue.

"Energy?" She snorted. "Don't you mean what an irony?" She asked scornfully. I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head.

"Shut up Teeghan." Alice and Tyler said at the exact same time, Teeghan just shook her head and refused to show us anything of what she was feeling.

"Anybody else got a number?" Mr. Schue stood up and gazed over the group. "Then glee- club's dismissed for today. See you on Thursday guys."

**Jasper POV **

I didn't understand where my friend Aiden had been under the whole glee- club rehearsal, he would never miss glee. Now where was he? I could stop searching when I heard someone playing in the audiotourium, I walked in there and found Aiden sitting on a speaker, guitar and singing.

_Where it began, I can't begin to knowing  
But then I know it's growing strong  
Was in the spring,  
And spring became the summer  
Who'd believe you'd come along_

_Hands, touching hands, reaching out  
Touching me, touching you  
Oh, sweet Caroline  
Good times never seem so good  
I've been inclined to believe it never would_

_Oh, sweet Caroline  
Good times never seem so good  
I've been inclined to believe it never would oooh oh no no.._

And boy I was going to tease him for this…

**Leah POV **

"So…" I began when I wheeled out of the school- building next to Artie. "Abrams huh?"

"Yep."

"What a coincidence… my dad's name is Abram."

"And he's right here waiting for you." Dad came from the parking lot with Ariel in a leash, I bent down and patted Ariel but had to stop when she started jumping around to greet Artie and everybody else too. I laughed and started humming on the perfect song for this week's assignment.

_Who let the dogs out Vov, Vov, vov, vov. _

I heard the others laugh as Sean too came out of the school building, he threw his bag into the seat on a pick- up, then jumped into the driver's seat… and there he stayed, he didn't drive, he didn't step out of the car, he just sat there, leaning against the steering wheel. And something told me that Sean was thinking about something I could never understand.

**Ending right there so I can have this done today… AWWWWWW, Sean is so cute when he's with his mum. **

**A spoiler for glee- clubs next assignment is the fact that I have turned a song in English into Swedish to have it used. **


	14. I remember

**Sean POV **

"Hey mama." I half- shouted when I came indoors at home. I knew she was home, her car was, Curtis's wasn't, and Gordon was with Curtis for some kind of bring- your- child- to- work- day. Why now people wanted children to see a gym- including all the people training- was for me a question. But it wasn't my decision to make- and I knew Gordon liked spending time with his dad so why not?

"Hello Sean." I heard from the living room. I untied my shoes and walked into the room.

"Hey… you okay?" I asked. Mama smiled and nodded, and when I sat down by her in the sofa she started playing with my hair as usual.

"Yes I'm fine, but of course Curtis trusted my lie about that I had been food- poisoned. So while I was still sleeping of course he had called my work and told them I wasn't going to come in today, getting Gordon up and ready, and turned off my alarm. Then he left me a note about that he'd called my work, and that he hoped I'd feel better. I sighed and leaned my head back against the top of the sofa.

"You okay?" I felt mum's palm against my forehead. She'd always worry that I was ill if I was tired. Wasn't so weird with all the energy I had most of the other time. Motor- my mum used to call it. Annoying hyperactivity from too much sugar Curtis said. And Gordon just thought I was loads of fun as I'd always have enough energy to play with him. Myself- I had never been able to find an explanation to all my energy.

"Yes I'm fine." I pulled away from mum's hand. "I stayed up after you went to bed and watched DVD:s of dad. Before I knew it, it was morning and time to get up." Mum chuckled. "Do you remember that day? The one at the playground, the last day of dad's holidays… the day before…" I didn't have to finish the sentence, I knew she knew what I meant. She nodded and kept on playing with my hair.

"Yeah… you, me, Sean, Paul, Paulie and Margaret." I nodded. Sean senior- my dad, Paul Senior my grandfather, Paul Junior- mostly called Paulie my uncle and Margaret- my grandmother. Only twenty four hours after that day on the playground, two of the six that had been there were killed. Only a couple of months later another one- the third had passed away. Grandma had been destroyed by suffering the pain from losing both of her sons- people said she died of a heart attack- while we who knew her- said she died of a broken heart. There was no way a common heart attack would have killed someone as strong as Margaret Moraiety. There just wasn't.

"Do you remember?" I nodded again.

"Yeah… I remember standing up in the jungle gym bragging about how high I was. I remember that… that grandma bought a stuffed monkey for me." Mama chuckled. "And I didn't let go of that monkey for like weeks… I remember… I remember dad and Paulie joke- fighting and grandma giving them a lecture for it." Mama laughed. "I remember… a child fell down from that jungle gym and dad and I stayed with him until his parents came there."

"Do you remember anything of the day it all happened?" I nodded.

"I remember trying to make him stay at home before he went to work." I sighed. "I remember he called and that terrible bang in the phone later on." I sighed, I could still hear the sound of that building falling. I could still remember mama screaming and panicking, I could still hear every sound from those last couple of minutes. Oh boy- this is the worse part about being able to remember sounds.

**Teeghan POV**

I started walking towards the parking lot when I spotted Lex, Tyler and Connor on the other side of the hallway. Lex was saying something, she gestured big and they were laughing about something. I sighed, hung with my head and walked towards my car. I turned Spotify on in the car and played a song that could as well have been about my life.

_When I'm here  
With no one else  
It makes me wonder who I am  
Standing alone  
Closed off from the world  
Do I even know this terrible girl  
What makes me act the way I do  
Is it all just in envy of you  
Why am I constantly defeating_

_See you all together  
Makes me wonder why  
Although I won't admit it  
I know I don't even try  
And who do I blame?  
Over and over again?  
I'm taking out on your happiness  
And I do it all in vain_

_When I'm here  
With no one else  
It makes me wonder who I am  
Standing alone  
Closed off from the world  
Do I even know this terrible girl  
What makes me act the way I do  
Is it all just in envy of you  
Why am I constantly defeating _

_Constantly defeating  
Yeah, yeah, yeah _

_I can have anything  
With a simple quick demand  
Although I can have everything  
I still don't have a hand  
To hold if I get lonely  
A shoulder to always lean on  
A smile to make me feel at ease  
And two friends to depend on_

_When I'm here  
With no one else  
it makes me wonder who I am  
Standing alone  
Closed off from the world  
Do I even know this terrible girl?  
What makes me act the way I do  
Is it all just in envy of you?  
Why am I constantly defeating? _

_Constantly defeating  
Oh- oh.  
Constantly defeating  
constantly defeating _

I leaned back in the driver's seat and hit the gas just as Alice came walking through the door out from the school and walked over the parking lot, for just a couple of seconds she looked to me and for just a split second her eyes met mine. I hadn't talked to her since she was going on about how selfish I was- I missed her but wouldn't admit it. I looked to the road and started driving towards the mansion. At home I pulled my bag over my head and walked up to dad's office.

"Oh hey Teeghan." He greeted me when I came through the door, threw the bag at the floor and fell down in the chair. Dad sat by the computer- but for once he wasn't talking on the phone when I came in. He smirked. "What do you want?" I sighed- most of the time- almost always when I came into dad's office by my choice I wanted money for something.

"I don't want anything like that dad." He smirked again, but didn't seem to believe my words. "Dad… couldn't we watch a movie or something on Friday?"

"You want to go to the cinema?"

"No dad… just here at home… maybe… home alone three or something." Dad smirked again. Home alone three, dad's favorite movie, one that I lov… used to love when I was little. "Just you and me? Please?" Dad sighed, leaned back in his chair and clasped his hand together. He seemed to be thinking about what to answer for a moment. Then he's phone rang, he turned around.

"George Knight how can I help you?" I knew it would be a while before he hung up- it always was when he spoke to someone from work, I sighed, took my bag and walked up to my room. I threw the bag on the floor and took my phone, put Spotify on and my headphones in my ears. Hard fighting the tears back for a moment. I didn't want to cry, didn't want to be so weak, didn't want to show anyone else that I was hurting.

I thought back to when I was little, maybe five or six or something like that.

**Flashback **

"Dad look what I found." I ran up to my dad coming home from the playground, I held up to him a bouquet of daisies I had found, dad gasped, pretending to be amazed and kneeled down to reach my height.

"Wow Teeah. They are beautiful." He stood up and took my hand. "Come on, let's go put them in a vase on the kitchen table so everyone can see them." I walked into the kitchen, dad lifted me up on the bench and picked out a vase from the locker. He poured some water in it and put it- with the daisies in it on the table.

"Dad, dad. Can we play hide and seek now? Please?" I asked showing him my biggest smiled.

"Of course Teeah. You count to ten and I will hide okay"

"Okay." I put my hands over my eyes and started counting. "One, two, three, four, five, eighteen, twenty, eight, fourteen, a hundred. READY OR NOT HERE I COME."

**End of flashback **

It was back when my grandfather still had most of the job my dad had now, back when my dad still had time for me. He hadn't done anything with me for years, never been at one performance with the glee- club, and he hadn't called me Teeah since I was like seven. And I missed it, I missed it so much.

**Lex POV **

"Hey mum, hey dad." I half- shouted as I walked into the house at home and into the living room. I put my bag on the floor and then sat down in the sofa. "Have you thought about something? it is over a year since I moved in here now!" Mum smiled to me and nodded, dad shrugged. "Feels like yesterday doesn't it?" I thought back. Nowadays it seemed hard knowing all I had been through until last year- nowadays I had a hard time understanding how I even was strong enough to do it all.

I leaned my head back against the top of the sofa and thought back, looked up when I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll take it." I stood up and walked out in the hallway. Outside stood a man, probably in his mid- thirties somewhere and two boys, probably seven or eight of age, identical twins, and after thinking a while I knew that these were living in the house I had moved from last fall.

"Hello sir…" I didn't quite know what to say.

"Hello miss… ehrm… is there an Alexandria Ralston living here?"

"Yes that'd be me sir."

"Please just call me John."

"Please just call me Lex," John seemed a bit nervous, as he scratched his neck. The boys presented themselves as Ollie and Max, both of them smiling toothlessly up at me.

"We found these inside a wall when we were painting. We watched a bit of them. Hrm… if this is how you still live… I would like to help you with calling the police and the social services." I smirked nervously when I remembered what the DVD:s held.

"Oh… it isn't… those men are in prison since long." John seemed to breathe out.

"Would you like to come in for coffee or something?" Mum asked, John scratched his neck again. "No thank you. We should probably go home… I guess you know where we are if you need us." I closed the door as the man and the two boys turned around and walked up the driveway.

"What is that?" Mum asked about the DVD:s I looked to them.

"DVD:s from…" I thought a minute about what to say. "It's something Brian and Wyatt recorded. I'll go upstairs with it." I walked upstairs, put it in the back of the biggest drawer in the desk.

"Don't you want to watch it?" Dad asked when I came downstairs again. I shook my head. I wouldn't have to watch it. I already knew what it was. And the memories from having to watch it were too painful.

**So… that's it for today. I hope you had a great Christmas. I know mine was great. For example I got four books, two in English, one in Norwegian and one in Swedish… hmm… maybe I should learn Spanish to next year to set a new record… and then I'd stop having to ask my uncle's wife to translate whenever I need a sentence in Spanish for a story. **

**The song is why by Marny Kennedy, I didn't have any internet so I had to remember the lyrics by myself, I hope I got it right. **

**Is there anyone who have managed to find out what happened to Sean's dad and uncle? If you have seen my "clues" it shouldn't be that hard. **

**And in case anyone wonders, Teeah is pronounced, Tea- ah **

**So… happy new year to everyone. **


End file.
